Self-Esteem? Who has time to think about that? And this is exactly the point. We hit the floor on over-drive: One foot in the bathroom and the other out the door. Just what is self-esteem and why should we care? Quality of life is everything. The busier we are contributing to others, and the world around us, the healthier our self- esteem becomes. As a result, for those of us in or around recovery, rich self-esteem can be more difficult to achieve because many of us don’t have the time to stop and ask the right questions.What does it take to experience this new self-esteem? How would I know when I have it? The following five suggestions for healthy self-esteem will put you in touch with how you feel about yourself and help to increase the quality of your life
unconsciously that everyone else deserves attention and nurturing, but we don’t. To not establish non- negotiable boundaries for ourselves is to perpetuate a feeling of unhappiness, denial and of unimportance as internally, our own resentments abound.
#2 Benefits of learning how to be true to self
Establishing boundaries that protect us emotionally, physically and spiritually proclaims I really am an equal-among-equals: no better but no worse than the next person who sets boundaries for their own comfortability. Imagine resetting the thermostat on the wall: In order for us to feel comfortable, we have to set and reset that thermostat to feel our best at various times. This is what we do with our emotional selves: Depending upon what is being asked of us, we must pause long enough to consider our motives of setting a boundary, and set or reset our emotional settings based upon our emotional comfort to protect and honor what is safe and best for us for our own comfortability. Some questions we can ask ourselves in the process of establishing boundaries is: ·Why is this boundary important to me? ·What’s behind it? If the boundary is to teach another adult a lesson or as a way to get even, then it may be made out of resentment and not out of your own emotional need to satisfy something within you. ·Does the boundary honor my own highest good? We don’t have to accommodate others in order to save them, make them happy, or take control of a situation. Our feelings, our beliefs, and emotional temperature must come first. This mindset is the beginning of an inner transformation that says, “we deserve to have our needs met that are in our best and greatest interest.” Putting ourselves first is the beginning of becoming right-sized in every encounter we face. Each time we stand up for what we believe we deserve with grace and dignity, we are proclaiming to the world that in order to help others, we have to help ourselves first.
#1 Establish Boundaries Assertively
It’s true. Everyone we know has some boundaries to speak of. However, chances are we don’t know many people who have developed boundaries with their own best interests in mind or can execute them with confidence. Oh sure ‑‑ we make concessions with our spouse and children but, more often than not, we give in because it makes others happy, or just to keep the peace. You deserve to decline, pass, or say no when your heart tells you it is not in your best interest. Oh yes, your answer must be a direct reflection of your truth and yours alone. However, even though making decisions based adds to your security, your sense of self-esteem, and your right to protect and feel comfortable in our own skin, we often fall short when it comes to not saying what we really mean. We compromise all day long with our spouse, our parents, children, and work associates. Oftentimes what we hear is, “Oh, I don’t like conflict,” or, “It is just easier to go with the program.” Translated, what this means is, “geeze, I feel selfish when I think about making boundaries for myself!” WE are responsible for the answers we give ourselves and others. What happens to us when we do not give rise to our truth and give voice to what satisfies our needs, we will always be swinging by a thread to the desires of others. We tell ourselves
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