LETTER FROM THE EDITOR
“ Whowouldn’t like to go back to college?... Keggers, tailgate parties, bong smoke clouding the co-ed dorms...
instead of the Bahamas – they’re not alone in this. But comparing Democratic quarrels with Republican spats is like comparing the marriage of Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes to the marriage of George and Barbara Bush. The Democrats are a national exercise in packing the dog with the cat. The Democratic Party isn’t a political party... It’s the name of a den of thieves whose single point of agreement is that they want to break into the national cash register and swipe the booty. When it’s time to divvy up the swag, all hell will break loose. Leafy eco-conscious policies will wither and turn brown after organized labor takes its chainsaw to the Green New Deal. Democrats will be in the doghouse with their low-income supporters when doubling the minimum wage sends tens of thousands of businesses into bankruptcy and America’s 1.7 minimum-wage workers are fired from 1.7 million minimum-wage jobs. Calls for Universal Income will run aground when Rashida Tlaib realizes that 45% of that income goes to people wearing MAGA hats. Free college tuition will come a cropper when everyone in the United States takes the Democrats up on it. Who wouldn’t like to go back to college?... Keggers, tailgate parties, bong smoke clouding the co-ed dorms – plus riding our motorcycles up the stairs in our Animal House fraternities and getting John Belushi’s 0.0 grade-point average. Medicare for All will lose its luster when every single doctor in America moves to Tijuana to open a pill mill and play golf. (Greens fees are $42 at Tijuana’s Club Campestre.)
And brace yourself for the fight over whether Hillary Clinton or Ilhan Omar should replace Ruth Bader Ginsberg on the Supreme Court. A sweeping victory by socialist Democrats in 2020 is the only thing on Earth that could make the kind of Republicans we have these days appear attractive. I mean, Mitch McConnell is going to look like Scarlett Johansson to voters. Expect a landslide GOP victory in the 2022 midterms with a veto- proof majority. Then, we’ll get a real impeachment. The House hearings and debate and the vote in the Senate will take a total of about 15 minutes. And the impeachment will include not only the Democratic President, but whoever got the wet smack second prize of being Vice President on the Democratic ticket. Next in succession – our 47th President – will be whomever the Republicans elect as Speaker of the House, and, frankly, I don’t care if it’s Francis the Talking Mule. The “just-how- wrong-things-can-go” will be to hell and gone. And we can return to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. Which is why I’m getting up and mixing myself a Bloody Mary...
10
January 2020
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