Changing Priorities and Learning How to Help June 2018
Recently, I finished a very busy season at work. Our firm’s other attorney, Rosalie, and I were basically doing the work of three attorneys. I knew I wasn’t being totally present at home — work was constantly on my mind — and I could tell my wife, Ashley, was feeling it too. “You’re working so hard, you’re kind of in another universe,”Ashley confided one day.We had an honest conversation about how I could be more present at home. I listened and knew it was time to refocus my priorities, so we made the decision to bring on a third attorney to Bruce Law. Charles Thompson is our new attorney team member. Ashley shared how happy she was about the change — it was a decision that was best for my family and my firm.
you, but for me, it didn’t come instantly. I had to figure out where and how I could be as helpful to my wife as possible after we first had one, then two little ones at home. Most of the time, it meant communicating with Ashley about what was helpful and listening to what was important to her. We learned how to do tasks together so neither partner felt like they were carrying the weight of raising a child all on their own. For both Ashley and I, becoming parents meant shifting some of our focus from ourselves to our kids. It’s something you have to learn on the fly — there’s no instruction manual, so you figure out what your priorities are and how to make the rest of life fall into place around them. You learn to reprioritize, and it’s challenging at first. You go from having complete control over what to do with your time to it being under the ownership of a tiny human. Ashley and I wanted to be home as much as possible and be involved with Russell and Ruby when they were born, and the only way to do that, we found out, was to give our time to them and make everything else work around their schedules. You’re basically taking what used to be 12- to 15-hour days of work and “me time” and fitting it into 8 or 10 hours.After my kids were born, I shifted my “me time” to the early morning, before the kids were up.While they’re at school, I work so I can be there when they wake up and when they go to sleep. When you’re a kid, there are many rules your parents enforce that don’t make sense. They tell you to be in bed by a certain time, that you can’t play with certain toys, and when you’re a teenager, that you have to be home by a certain time. What’s the deal? Why are they trying to ruin your life? It’s so frustrating when you’re little! Then you become a parent, and you realize there was a reason for just about everything they did. Being a parent doesn’t come with an instruction manual or a university degree; as much as you try, you can’t imagine how much your life will change once you have a kid. It’s wonderful, exciting, and often scary and uncertain. But the rewards are priceless when everything falls into place, and it’s you, your spouse, and your children together.
Ashley takes Ruby on her first pony ride!
As Ashley and I raise our kids, we’ve found out how crucial our communication as a couple is. It’s so important to always ask how the other person is feeling. It may sound simple, but it’s not easy. You have to take the time to show interest and respect for what your partner has to say and how they’re feeling. It goes back to being present for your kids and your partner.
– Chris Bruce
One of the biggest learning curves for me in becoming a better parent was learning how to be helpful — and I’m still learning. It might sound silly, to
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Divorce 101
No one wants to get divorced — it’s a decision you only come to when nothing else has worked. Divorce can be difficult, expensive, and emotionally taxing, not to mention the heartbreak that comes after your marriage doesn’t turn out as planned. The better news is that, now that you’ve decided to file for divorce, if you can implement the right strategy, you might be on your way to the best divorce. What’s your first step? Educate yourself about what you’ll need to do to prepare so you can develop a strategy. When we talk about divorce leverage and strategy, what that really means is understanding the process of divorce. An important part of this is considering what your spouse will likely place priority on during the divorce. You’re probably familiar with Maslow’s hierarchy of needs. Maslow’s idea is that people are motivated to satisfy their needs based on a hierarchy. First, you must meet your biological and psychological needs, then your safety needs, then your need for love and belongings, and so forth. We’re programmed to make decisions based on our perceived needs. How does this relate to your divorce? Maslow’s hierarchy can help you understand what will motivate your spouse’s decisions during the divorce process. A general trend in divorce law is that the more money in the equation, the more priorities will shift from meeting basic economic needs to sustaining family relationships and social status. The bottom line? If you understand your spouse’s needs, you can probably make more accurate predictions on how they’ll behave during the divorce. You can then begin to use this understanding to develop a divorce strategy. You’ll be able to give yourself the best divorce — one that is settled efficiently, quickly, and does not get derailed. If you’re ready to learn more, Divorce Attorney Christopher Bruce shows you how in his book series on “The Best Divorce.” To begin, download your free copy of “Florida Divorce Law Guide” at FloridaDivorceLawGuide.com. EDUCATE YOURSELF IN THE MATTER OF DIVORCE
THE HAZARDS OF BLUE LIGHT HOW TO PROTECT YOUR EYES AND MINIMIZE EXPOSURE
You may have been warned about blue light and its impending threat to your eyes. It comes from your computer screen, your phone, and even from the sun. Why is this form of light harmful, and how can you keep your eyes safe? IS BLUE LIGHT A NEW THING? Blue light occurs in nature and is nothing new. However, because many electronics emit blue light, it’s more of an issue now than it was just 10 years ago. Backlit LED screens emit strong blue light waves, so our use of devices like cellphones, tablets, and flat-screen TVs means we are exposed to more blue light than ever before. WHY ARE EYE DOCTORS WORRIED? Blue light isn’t inherently bad — it’s found in sunlight and lightbulbs — but our increased exposure to it might be. Our eyes are pretty good at blocking UV rays but not so good at blocking blue light. Blue light has a higher energy output than other forms of light, so instead of being filtered by the corneas and lenses, almost all of it reaches the more sensitive retinas. The high energy output of blue light and our eyes’ inability to protect the retinas from it appears to cause damage similar to macular degeneration, an eye disease mostly affecting people over 65 that can lead to blindness. These similarities to macular degeneration have scientists worried that our increased exposure to blue light could lead to more cases of it. HOW CAN YOU MINIMIZE EXPOSURE? Many computers and electronic devices have a “night shift” option built into them. Enabling this feature will dim the screen and lower the amount of blue light that your device emits. There are also removable filters you can put on your computer screen. Brands like RetinaShield/Tech Armor and Eyesafe are designed to limit the amount of blue light your eyes are exposed to. To avoid eye strain, talk to your eye doctor about blue light glasses. These tinted glasses, which come in prescription and nonprescription versions, reduce the amount of blue light that reaches your eyes. Remember, blue light itself is just a natural form of light and isn’t inherently bad. During the day, it can even be beneficial to get some natural blue light from sunshine — while wearing sunglasses, of course. But it’s also a good idea to take precautions to protect your eyes from artificial blue light, especially if your work environment and hobbies expose you to it frequently.
You can also access the Bruce Law Firm’s complete library of complementary divorce books at www.DivorceInformationBooks.com.
Is your friend or client in need of a guide as they prepare for divorce? our divorce strategy book can help!
The book can be downloaded for FREE at GetOrganizedForDivorce.com.
If your friend or client lives in the South Florida area, we will mail them a hard copy of the book upon request.
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How to Become a More Attentive Listener
Hang On, There’s More Than One Type of Listening?
Have you ever found yourself listening to your spouse or a good friend tell a story, only to realize that you’ve completely zoned out and lost track of what they were saying?
You can also gain insight into someone’s emotional intelligence. Does your friend share a story about a work interaction from earlier in the day that left them frustrated, but as they tell it, they remain relatively calm? This person is demonstrating emotional intelligence. They verbalize their emotions without being overcome by them. ASK FOLLOW-UP QUESTIONS If someone shares that they are dreading their doctor’s appointment tomorrow, you can show you are listening by asking them to tell you more about that. It might feel a little like a therapy session, but thoughtful questions will demonstrate that you care and are interested in not only what they have to say, but also how they feel. These conversations are what relationships are built upon. Nonverbal clues, like fidgety feet or hand-wringing, can signal that your speaker is uncomfortable. If they haven’t voiced that feeling yet, you might be able to help them out by asking tactful questions. Open-ended questions are especially helpful as they allow a speaker to come to their own conclusions about a topic. Your insightful questions may even help them process feelings about a situation and come to a realization they wouldn’t have had otherwise.
Yes, just because you’re “listening,” doesn’t mean you’re really listening. There are many ways to listen, and some are more effective than others. You can listen without getting any message from the speaker, and you can listen with your entire being when you respond to the speaker’s words with animation and encouragement. Of course, you don’t have to become a Shakespearean actor to demonstrate that you are actively listening. Small gestures — nodding your head in agreement or giving an empathetic emotional response — go a long way toward showing your speaker that you’re taking in everything they say. LISTEN FOR MEANING By demonstrating attentive listening, you’ll be able to pick up on more than what a person is verbalizing. By focusing on their intonations and what they choose to emphasize, you may learn about their values and belief system. Have they been talking excitedly about their volunteer role at a local shelter? This is probably something that’s important to them, and demonstrating an interest in it will strengthen your relationship.
have a LAUGH
Spicy Chimichurri
Grilled Cheese
ingredients
For chimichurri: • 2 jalapeños • 4 green onions • 1/2 cup cilantro • 1 clove garlic •
For sandwiches: •
1 tablespoon olive oil
•
1 ripe avocado, cut into slices
•
2–4 ounces fresh mozzarella
•
4 slices whole-wheat bread
2 tablespoons olive oil
•
Juice of 1 lime
•
2 teaspoons honey
Directions
1. Pulse chimichurri ingredients in a food processor or blender until combined but not pureed. Add extra olive oil as needed. 2. Heat grill or skillet to medium-low. Brush outsides of bread with olive oil. Smear 1 tablespoon chimichurri on each slice of bread. Place a layer of avocado and cheese between slices. 3. Cook gently until bread is crisp and cheese is melted. 4. Slice and serve.
inspired by naturallyella.com
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Learning to Be a Dad page 1
What’s All the Fuss About Blue Light?
A Guide to Divorce-Strategy Education page 2 There’s More Than One Type of Listening page 3 Cut Down on Flight Costs With This Simple Rule page 4
The Best Time to Book a Flight
SAVE BIG ON AIRFARE WITH THIS SIMPLE RULE
In case you haven’t noticed, traveling is expensive . It can feel like you’re signing away your soul when you sit down to plan a vacation. But when it comes to flights, there’s good news: They’re getting cheaper! According to a 2017 report published by online travel company ODIGEO, long- distance trips across Europe fell 7 percent last year. Luckily, the same trend is reflected in North American airlines as they engage in a price war to woo a growing base of ultrafrugal travelers. Still, a $600 summer flight to Honolulu isn’t exactly pocket change. What’s worse, flight prices are slippery; CheapAir.com’s 2017 Annual Airfare Study determined that the fares for any given trip go up or down an average of 71 times, about $33 each shift. When you purchase your flight is nearly as important as where you’re going. But how do you choose a booking window that will maximize your savings?
According to the CheapAir.com study, in which they evaluated 921 million airfares, the best time to book is 21–105 days in advance of your flight, on average. If you want to get even more specific, try to book 55–75 days out, and book on a Sunday. Many travelers swear by Tuesday and Wednesday bookings, but as Condé Nast Traveler reports, Expedia and the Airlines Reporting Corporation say that Sunday is the way to go, based on data from billions of flights. Tuesday and Wednesday are usually the cheapest days to actually fly, though. The CheapAir.com study also pinpoints the absolute best windows for specific seasons: 54 days for winter trips, 75 days for spring, 76 days for summer, and 45 days for fall. Of course, these are averages, but if you stick to these rules and check fares regularly on sites like Kayak.com, SkyScanner.com, Momondo.com, and on the handy app Hopper, you can rest easy knowing you’re getting close to the best price possible.
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