Vol 8. Edition 6
News from CannaTown
Page 7
Libra - The leaf-blower bong was a nice weekend novelty, but you shouldn't have brought it along to ski. Scorpio - Nobody’s cried so much when they hurled before, but then, nobody’s eaten a party-sized Oreos that fast before. Sagittarius - The lady watching you at the gym isn't admiring your squats. She's consid- ering calling you an ambulance. Capricorn - You’re not sure what "gimmicky charisma" your grandmother is talking about, but she sure holds it against you. Aquarius - As the zombie lunges to sink its jaws into your shoulder, you’ll realize it’s only an trenchcoat hanging on a mopstick. Pisces - As you snap out of your daze, you'll understand that this one joint is the only thing keeping you from yelling at everyone like Schwarzenegger in Kindergarten Cop .
CANNASCOPES : Discover Your Fortune! Aries - The first date would've gone well, if your allergy to bird-watching hadn't kicked in. Taurus - It’s cold outside, but then, it’s cold inside too. Because you spent the utility bill money on a satchel and it was totally worth it. Gemini - Your landlord wasn't happy when you brought a cow in the house, so you prob- ably shouldn't tell him it's stuck in the attic. Cancer - It was a night to remember at the opera. Nobody could figure out how you got on stage, much less, into that tiny leotard. Leo - Eyes off your phone and pay more atten- tion to life! Specifically, it's your turn to puff puff pass, and you're holding up the circle. Virgo - The gravity in here is terrible, you'll think, before tumbling head-first into the trampoline with half-roasted blunt in hand.
What Came to Pass News in Brief
90% of Kush in Kushington held by 10% Kushington, the lavish suburb north of Can- natown, is well-known for its vast gardens of dank kush, particularly the banana kush variety. But a new think tank study reveals that roughly 90% of crops are actually owned by only 10% of the local population. "This inequality of stash will continue until nothing is left for the lowest cadets. A revolution, or, anarchy, is around the corner," warns the article, published by the Council of Unem- ployed PhD's. The situation has created what some call a "Banana Kush Republic," despite relativey democratic society. "The main prob- lem is that a certain half of the electorate votes for people who actually sign a contract not to raise cannabis taxes on the rich, so this situa- tion is not likely to change anytime soon," the report concludes. "Also, the general populace is so stoned all the time, the rich influence can happen in broad daylight and nobody cares."
Arnie Caught in Maltball Weight Scheme pE7
Stories in Today’s Other Sections
Two stoned lads and a librarian unveil plans to put D&D funland on the moon............ E2 You might just be surprised by how poorly your deodorant works............................... F6 Opinion: Where can I register to accept free cannabis?.................................................. G13 Sister's boyfriend sends high five............ H1
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