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Dispatches from the Highlands
$4.20 Cents
Cannatown News
DUDEFLATION REPORTEDLY THREATENS BROCONOMY
National dudeflation remains higher than anyone ever anticipated going into the holi- day season. Cool dudeflation rose .420% in November, adjusted for seasonal swings but far worse than previous months, the Bureau of Boring Statistics reportedThursday. Rising prices on hats and VR’s contributed to at least half of the increase, while prices for
great for Trolleys, and it’s happening even though demand for bell-incessant, slow-mov- ing, open-air travel is recovering from the worst of the pandemic, and largely, a century of irrelevance. So it goes. "How did we get started on Trolleys?" asked Lott. "Oh yes, we were talking about our grandfathers. Sorry for the tangent."
mancave furnish- ings and subscrip- tion shaving kits
also climbed. And an index
that tracks new nuggersh prices roses 4.20% over the quarter, mak- ing the biggest jump since the middle ages. The increase in hover- board costs, and earbuds, is also worrying, says economist Carol Lott. “People paid extra for inflatable hot tubs last year,”
she wrote in a note. “To help, the government gradually phases in nuggersh in- creases over time. But it’s about to become a huge freakin’ source of dudeflation right here onMain Street.” Stripping out live rosin and micro-fiber underwear costs--both which tend to be more volatile--prices rose 4.20% over the same period, the same rate as in September. But not everything in Cannatown got more expensive. Trolley tickets, for example, keep getting cheaper. The price index for fares dropped 75% over the last year. That’s not
On a cold Friday, a Dude leaves the patisserie with his baguettes, which have gone up 4.20%
With the explosion of dudes and dude-re- lated stuff, perhaps due to generational shift, today's broconomy is in a greater peril than it's ever been, and many wonder how long it will sustain under the pressure. "Soon we'll reach a tipping point as far as dudes go," said Lott. "We might fix labor shortages and growing expenses for materials -- but when it comes down to it, the bro- conomy depends on dudes bein' dudes."
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