Speakeasy Marketing December 2018

BUS I NESS LOG I ST I CS OF THE NORTH POLE One Company You Wouldn’t Want to Run

4. MATERIALS Since Santa can’t gather raw materials from the barren wasteland of the North Pole, he is required to import or artificially grow the necessary supplies and equipment to produce toys. The number of shipments needed would be a nearly impossible feat, so Santa would need a facility that could produce synthetic materials and greenhouses that could grow organic materials. These facilities alone would be impossible to keep hidden from explorers or satellites, so he would need shrinking capabilities via a laser, or perhaps he’d have to go underground, which is the more commonly accepted explanation. We don’t know how it happens each year, but somehow,

depicted as cheerful and consistent team players. They whistle while they work and enjoy Christmas candy, and every toy is ready by Christmas Eve. 3. LABOR Finding skilled labor in America is a challenge, but in the North Pole, it has to be even more challenging. Since Santa can’t hire new workers or offer moving incentives, the amount of available labor is directly proportional to the number of elf births. On top of that, Santa has to consider the worker- to-production ratio when factoring in new employees. The number of new hires and how much they can produce has to outpace the population increase of the world. For example, if Santa has 100,000 workers, each employee needs to create at least 70,000 toys so they can supply the

If you think running your business is tough, try thinking about how Santa operates the North Pole. From least to most complex, here are the four hardest aspects of running an operation that delivers gifts to 7 billion people. 1. REAL ESTATE Finding an office space that can facilitate your business operations is a challenging undertaking for anyone. You need to provide an optimal workspace that offers room to grow. If you run a production operation like Santa’s Workshop, you also need adequate space to house your products. Just think how big the warehouses up North need to be. If you thought Nike or Google had big campuses, Santa’s must cover the entire Arctic. 2. INTERNAL COMMUNICATION A frequent business killer for most of us is probably a smooth-sailing process for Santa — surely the North Pole doesn’t have any challenges creating a positive work culture. Elves are often

Christmas goes off without a hitch. It’s the greatest feat in the world of business. Move

world’s human population. If elf births go down, then production has to increase to make up for the difference.

over, Jeff Bezos, because Santa is coming to town!

THE CURE FOR ‘CLIENT REPELLENT’

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