cooking utensils, you name it. And what if those devices could all communicate, send you information, and take your commands? Let me tell you what the “what” is in this “what if ” scenario. I’d forget my password. That’s what. Also, I do not care to start having conversations with inanimate objects. I’m at an age where this is the kind of behavior that could cause my wife and children to stage an intervention. (“He forgot his password and his password is ‘password.’”) And I’d wind up in the Memory Care unit of the local nursing home. But even assuming I remember my password and assuming I’m allowed to remain in my own house with
in-home senior care... I’m still baffled by PC Magazine ’s list: The VIDEO DOORBELL will enhance my household security by giving me a live, on- screen image of who’s at the door. Really? There’s this thing that never needs batteries and works perfectly when the Internet crashes... It’s called a window. I look through it. Also, I have a 12-gauge pump-action. A SMART THERMOSTAT can be adjusted from anywhere with a Wi-Fi connection. Oh, good. Now my wife and I can argue about whether it’s too hot in our living room or too cold in our living room even when we’re on vacation hundreds of miles from our living room. The SMART MICROWAVE is so smart that when you touch “defrost,” it tells you, “Quit nuking the Swanson Hungry-Man Classic
NEWMESSAGE FROM YOUR TROUSERS: WE REALLY DO MAKE YOUR BUTT LOOK BIG.
August 2019
American Consequences
51
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