TAKE A CHANCE ON AN OLD FLAME Reigniting the Love February 2020
As a family, we’ve done several “farm days” at barns in Loxahatchee that rescue abused animals, Delmar Farm and Good Earth Farm. Both are excellent places to spend an afternoon full of brushing, washing, feeding, and even riding horses. Ruby’s new love has brought out an old spark in Ashley. Before high school friends, boyfriends, and college, Ashley was a competitive horseback rider, even showing in famous Wellington horse shows. The thought of controlling an animal several times your size and being gracefully in sync with it is exciting. Plus, there is nothing better than getting outdoors and getting a little dirty! Ashley’s old hobby has of course taken a back seat to her school, career, and our kids, but now, through Ruby’s eyes, it has a whole new meaning to our family. It represents time spent together. We are ready and excited to get out there and experience what we once enjoyed so fondly. Heck, even Chris is ready to explore the trails riding atop a horse!
Ruby and Russell’s birthday
Come February (and even before it), aisles are filled with heart-shaped chocolate boxes and pink and red candies, and jewelry stores flash signs suggesting that the key to your loved one’s heart is a pair of diamond earrings. Instead of looking outward for love, what if we looked inward? Recently, we’ve been thinking about some of our first loves. No, not boyfriends or girlfriends, but horses and water. For both of us, hobbies we got into as kids have evolved into integral parts of our lives that we’ve now seen our kids develop a love for, too. We can see that what was once a passion for Ashley is now our daughter’s passion. Ruby loves horses. Every night before bed, she asks us to get her a purple horse. (Disclaimer: She also asks us to get her a purple mermaid tail.) Ashley has some old horse accessories — girths, saddles, brushes, and hoof picks — that her mom, and now she, kept for over 25 years in our garage. Ruby loves to get these items out and play with them. Imagine that to keep a 3-year-old girl happy, all you have to do is give her a few old used riding gloves to play with.
Like Ruby’s love for horses, Russell has followed in Christopher’s footsteps. He’s developed a love for boats and motors, and Chris is so great about sharing his love of fishing with all of us. It’s something his dad shared with him, and it’s amazing to see this process of teaching and the passing down of hobbies. This love has encouraged Christopher to get back out on the ocean. This year, for both of us, we want to get back to these passions in different ways. Chris wants to make more time for marine conservancy causes, and Ashley would like to participate in more horse rescue work. Along the way, we’ll get to share these experiences with our kids. For this new year, get out there and get back to something that you once loved. Whether it’s golf, running, theater, or painting, take up an old hobby or find a new one. There is no time like the present.
– Ashley and Chris Bruce
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10 Indicators of Narcissistic Personality Disorder
How to Identify Predatory Behavior
We see it happen all the time: Someone reads the traits that define narcissistic personality disorder, and they suddenly realize they know someone who fits that description. Often, it’s their spouse or the spouse of a friend or family member.
Though this moment can be hard, it can also be a wake-up call. Knowing what you’re dealing with is the first step toward change and a better life.
HERE ARE 10 INDICATORS THAT SOMEONE MAY HAVE NARCISSISTIC PERSONALITY DISORDER.
SCIENCE WANTS YOU TO STOP AND SMELL THE ROSES THE BENEFITS OF SPENDING TIME OUTSIDE In a 2008 survey conducted by the National Trust in Britain, children were more likely to correctly identify a Dalek from “Doctor Who” than a barn owl. Likewise, a 2010 Kaiser Family Foundation study of 8–18-year-olds in the U.S. found that the average youth spends more than 53 hours a week engaged with entertainment media. These statistics, coupled with growing concerns that children are spending less time outdoors, are leading to terms like “nature deficit disorder” and global initiatives to get kids outside. Why is contact with the outdoors so important? Researchers are answering this question by studying the benefits of time spent in nature. One benefit is that outdoor time helps kids understand boundaries and learn how to assess risk. As naturalist, author, and broadcaster Stephen Moss puts it, “Falling out of a tree is a very good lesson in risk-reward.” Not to mention, time in nature may help improve focus for hyperactive kids. In one national study of youths by the University of Illinois, participants’ attention deficit hyperactivity disorder symptoms were reduced after spending time in a green setting versus a more urban one. This may be due to the fact that natural environments call upon our “soft fascination,” a less exhausting type of focus than what is required by urban environments. Emotional benefits were discovered too, including reduced aggression, increased happiness, and improved self-esteem. Beyond just getting outside, the type of contact we have with nature also matters. Visits to nature centers and watching “Planet Earth” are two ways to experience the outdoors. But research points specifically to the importance of free play in the natural world: unstructured outdoor time when children can explore and engage with their natural surroundings with no curriculum, lesson, or activity to complete. Ever notice how kids are fascinated by the simplest things? A child visits a rose garden, but before they even get to the flowers, they become captivated by a leaf on the ground or an ant crawling on their shoe. Children are born naturalists. These are the moments we need to recapture. Take a page out of that kid’s book, and as the saying goes, stop and smell the roses — or leaves or ants — with no checklist and no plan, just time spent playing outside.
• They often make promises on important issues only to break them.
• They put you down in front of other people, including children and family.
They do not care about your feelings or hurting you.
• When you suggest counseling or things to fix your relationship, they tell you that you are the one who needs fixing.
• They isolate you from others, including your family and friends.
• They get upset with you and sometimes very angry over trivial reasons.
• They often accuse you of not being a better partner or more attentive to their sexual needs.
• They are obsessed with money and may keep details of finances shielded from you.
• They make threats about what will happen if you leave them, or “rule by threats.”
• They accuse you of being unfaithful — but they are a serial cheater.
If you know your spouse has narcissistic personality disorder or think they might after reading this, strongly consider working with an experienced therapist who can help you develop and implement strategies for accepting your spouse, learning your future is not defined by your partner and how they have treated you, and having the confidence to move on if that is what you determine, after careful consideration, is necessary for you to have the happy and fulfilling life you yearn to be living. You’ll find a list of vetted therapists on our website, StayMarriedFlorida.com. If you cannot find a therapist in your area, please reach out to our law firm, and we will help you get the appropriate referral.
Is your friend or client in need of a guide as they prepare for divorce? our divorce strategy book can help! The book can be downloaded for FREE at ControlYourDifficultDivorce.com. If your friend or client lives in the south Florida area, we will mail them a hard copy of the book upon request.
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What Do You Love to Do?
Find Your Passion
2. Look into opportunities for locally pursuing your chosen activities. Who knew there was a tango club in your neighborhood or improv classes just across from your work? If you don’t find exactly what you’re looking for, keep an eye out for similar activities and consider expanding on your list. Even if there isn’t an open spot on the softball league, maybe kickball would be a fun option. 3. Try some of them out! The first activity you try may not be “the one.” Be patient with yourself and the process. So what if making pasta by hand isn’t your thing? At least you tried! Now you can take your funny story of rubbery noodles and try something else.
When we meet someone for the first time, the question we usually ask is, “What do you do?”
What if we asked this instead, “What do you like to do?”
As adults, pursuing something we love outside of work can be one of the most rewarding parts of life. Often, revisiting the activities we once loved in childhood sparks newfound love in adulthood.
Here are some guidelines for reigniting your love for an activity that once brought you joy — or for finding a new one!
As you go through this process, let yourself be open to trying new things and, most importantly, have some fun!
1. Write down 3–5 activities or hobbies you enjoyed as a child or one thing you always dreamed about doing. Maybe it’s not so much a matter of doing something new as it is returning to what you once loved. Remember how much fun Hula-Hooping was? What about theater? Somewhere along the way, you gave up those hobbies, but it’s never too late to return to them. If nothing comes to mind, write down something you’ve always dreamed about doing. Try not to judge your answers, and be open to where your interests take you. There are no wrong answers here.
Christopher, Ashley, Liana, and Rosalie at the Family Law Inn of Court holiday party
have a LAUGH
Easy Shrimp Scampi
Inspired by The Blond Cook
1/2 cup dry white wine
4 tbsp butter
1/4 cup lemon juice
4 tbsp olive oil
8 oz cooked linguine
1 tbsp minced garlic
1/4 cup parsley
1 lb shrimp, peeled and deveined
1/2 tsp oregano
1. In a skillet over medium heat, melt 2 tbsp of butter with 2 tbsp of olive oil. Add garlic and cook for 2 minutes. 2. Add shrimp and oregano, stirring frequently until shrimp is pink. Remove shrimp from skillet. 3. Add wine and lemon juice to skillet and bring the mixture to a boil. 4. Stir in remaining butter and olive oil and cook until butter is melted. 5. Add cooked shrimp to skillet and cook for 1 minute, stirring occasionally. 6. In a serving bowl, top cooked linguine with shrimp mixture. Garnish with parsley and serve. 561-810-0170 • 3
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When to Take a Chance on an Old Flame page 1
Stop and Smell the Roses
Would You Know If You Were Married to a Narcissist? page 2
What Do You Love to Do? page 3
Give the Gift of Life page 4
Give the Gift of Life
Feb. 14 is National Donor Day
Registration is not permanent and you will always have the option to change your mind. Once registered, you will not need to carry your donor card with you, as your status exists in the registry. JOIN A DONOR DASH. Donor Dash fundraising events pop up all over the country on National Donor Day. These noncompetitive 5K running and walking events are designed to bring donors and recipients together and keep hope alive for those who are currently waiting for a donation. To learn more, or to register for an event, check out DonorAlliance.org. PARTICIPATE IN #STARTTHECONVERSATION. Donor Alliance, a nonprofit that works to promote organ donation, began the #StartTheConversation campaign as a way to help spread awareness about organ and tissue donation. Starting the conversation can be as simple as sharing that you registered with your friends and family or as personal as sharing a story about how organ donation has touched your life or the lives of your loved ones. Don’t let another Valentine’s Day come and go in a tide of cellophane, candy hearts, and cheesy cards. This year, get involved in National Donor Day. After all, what better way is there to express the value of love than giving the gift of life?
With all the cards, chocolates, and expensive dinners, it’s easy to get cynical about Valentine’s Day. However, National Donor Day also falls on Feb. 14, and it can refocus our attention back on the real meaning of the day: love. In the U.S., 20 people die each day while waiting for an organ transplant. Losing loved ones is one of the most painful aspects of the human experience, and while it is unavoidable, organ donation offers a pathway to help prevent that loss and keep more love in the world.
In the spirit of that love, here are a few ways you can get involved with National Donor Day this Feb. 14.
REGISTER AS AN ORGAN DONOR. Signing yourself up is easy and can be done either online or in person at your local Department of Motor Vehicles. You’ll need official identification to register.
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