WSE HLFA- TC I AS RE? exercising, and taking care of their health, then doing the same activities would have become second nature to us. Self-care, first, means realizing that your life has many facets–physical, mental, emotional, spiritual, social, professional, and personal. It’s important to look at yourself in the mirror and see a clear, undistorted, and holistic image. There is a difference between a projected self and the true self. The projected self comes from how we want others to perceive us. After years of putting up a false face, we assume that that image is our truth. It has become common these days to believe that everything is within our reach, and that we can switch hats on a whim. It is expected that all of us will be superstars in our own right. We all should have powerful careers, amazing relationships, gorgeous bodies, a huge following on social media, fancy vacations, overachieving children, rich and famous lifestyles. “What’s new?” is the common question we ask anyone we meet. We all are under pressure to “have something new” to talk about all the time. We fear getting categorized as “normal people having normal lives”, and fear being termed as dull. In the fear of being left out, we try to portray
that we have an amazing life with a full spectrum of “bling”. But we highly underestimate the effects of living a high-achieving, multitasking life. Though it may look fancy from outside, but this way we’re running away from our true selves. We’re always taught to cover up for our shortcomings, and this is especially true in families who overhype their children’s behavior, strengths, and achievements, while hiding their limitations, weaknesses, and mistakes. They derive a sense of pride when their projected selves get acceptance in society. These children will live in a fool’s paradise, and attach to their projected self rather than their true self. They will never know their true needs, and won’t accept their own limitations. A client of mine, Max, was a stutterer from birth, and he saw the shame is his parent’s eyes whenever he stuttered in a social setting. The parents covered up for him by completing his sentences or diverting attention away from him. They would overhype his achievements, and make sure that everyone thought of him as flawless. Seeing his parent’s denial, Max also never learnt to accept his stuttering and became an introvert to avoid bringing shame on his parents. He tried extra hard to get good grades in school, and to get into the sport teams. Max has buried his true self under hundreds of layers, and has disconnected from his vulnerable, true self, and doesn’t know how to embrace himself.
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