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The Bledsoe Firm JustFamilyLaw.com | 949.363.5551 DECEMBER | 2019
B reak the C hains of T oxic S ocial M edia And Open the Doors of Communication
Social media has become a burden for many people. It hangs over their heads like a dark cloud that never goes away. Even when they’re not on social media, the cloud is still there because someone is always posting something new. To keep up, people have developed an impulse to constantly check social media, and it’s an unhealthy habit. When it comes to kids and their developing minds, this can be a dangerous habit. As we’ve discussed over the last three months, social media and cellphones can have a detrimental effect on kids. They see constant examples of toxic perfectionism from Instagram influencers and celebrities who only post pictures from their latest ritzy vacation or to show off their new car. All their personal photos and updates say, “Look how beautiful and amazing I am.” Our kids don’t realize the perfection of the people they see on Instagram is manufactured, not real, and, because the “excitement” in their lives pales in comparison, it leads to feelings of inadequacy and depression. As social media activist Collin Kartchner has pointed out, it can even lead to self-harm and suicide. So many kids don’t know how to handle the pressures of social media, or they don’t know how to go about treating depression — and it just gets worse. Kids also use social media to bully other kids out of sight of parents and educators. Even parents who are very involved in their kids’ lives may not know the true scope of what their kids are doing on social media. Social media can be a vicious place. We cannot underestimate the importance of parents participating actively in their children’s lives. It’s not about being a helicopter parent or controlling
every aspect of their lives. It’s about knowing what they’re doing online and restricting their social media access — and setting healthy boundaries.
As we mentioned in the October edition of the newsletter, Collin helped develop Gabb Wireless (GabbWireless.com), a phone and plan designed to put
a healthy barrier between kids and the internet and social media. The phone cannot access social media at all. It goes back to basics: It only makes calls and texts.
Access to this phone is still very limited, but parents can do a few things to set healthy boundaries without this phone. First and foremost, most kids don’t need a smartphone. Nokia, for instance, still makes a relatively inexpensive basic call and text phone. For parents who want to keep in touch with their kids when they’re not at home, these “dumb phones” are a good option. Or skip the phone altogether. As parents, we get to pay the phone bills, so we make the decisions regarding phones and phone plans — and it’s important for kids to understand this. But more than that, even for kids who may have internet-connected devices, parents need to focus more on the dangers of the internet and social media. It’s easy to tiptoe around the issue, but parents and educators need to be blunt. Talk about the dangers of social media that can lead to depression and suicide. Talk about cyberbullying and the consequences of cyberbullying. These are not easy topics to talk about, but it’s necessary. On top of this, kids need to be reassured they can talk to their parents, guardians, or mentors about these issues — and know they will be listened to. Many victims of cyberbullying don’t talk to anyone about their pain because they don’t feel they have anyone to talk to. They might be embarrassed to talk about it or fear the repercussions. But you need to address all these issues. Kids need to feel safe talking about any and all issues related to social media.
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Christmas,” “A Visit From St. Nicholas” is a beloved story shared by every generation. It is in this poem that reindeer were first credited with powering Santa’s sleigh around the globe. Many popular songs, movies, and plays have preserved Moore’s vision of St. Nick, and his reindeer and their names are no exception. (Well, kind of.) Rudolph wouldn’t join the squad until a department store added him as part of their promotions in the 1930s. What’s in a name? Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Vixen, Comet, and Cupid were all brought to life by Moore, but have you ever heard of Dunder and Blixem? Though we now know the duo as Donner and Blitzen, Moore originally named them Dunder and Blixem — the Dutch words for thunder and lightning — but publishing companies wanted names that would rhyme better with the rest of the poem. Still, it was a few decades before Donner and Blitzen made their appearances in the version of the poem we know today. Reindeer burgers, anyone? Moore’s poem paved the way for Santa’s most famous form of transportation, but it was actually Carl Lomen, an Alaskan businessman, who mass-marketed reindeer as Santa’s companions. In the late 1890s, the Sami natives of Northern Europe, who were longtime reindeer herders, made their passage from Norway to the U.S. with a herd of reindeer to invigorate the Alaskan landscape and help their native neighbors. Lomen saw the reindeer as an opportunity and partnered with the Macy’s department store company to create a promotional Christmas parade in which Santa, led by his reindeer, a sleigh, and Sami herders, were prominently featured. Lomen’s goal was to promote his massive reindeer conglomerate for the production and sale of reindeer meat. Instead, a holiday story was born.
WHAT ABOUT DUNDER AND BLIXEM? The Strange History of Santa’s Reindeer
We all know reindeer visit our rooftops every Christmas Eve, but what brings them there? Follow the unique and complicated history of Santa’s reindeer to find out. A visit from who on what night? In the 1820s, Clement Clarke Moore penned a holiday poem that became the foundation for a phenomenon still alive today. Commonly known as “‘Twas the Night Before
Dealing With Harassment During Divorce
Sometimes, a spouse’s behavior leaves a great deal to be desired. They may cross the line into harassment or abusive behavior. When this happens, you do have recourse. What is harassment? This can include a broad range of abusive or disturbing behavior. In California, you make a domestic abuse allegation instead of a harassment claim, but the law itself includes “harass” in the list of behaviors included in the domestic violence definition. Harassment includes threats, stalking, destroying property, calling multiple times with the intent to annoy or disturb you, or disturbing the peace. It isn’t confined to physical or sexual violence. Is harassment against the law? Yes. Harassment can open the perpetrator up to criminal charges, but these charges aren’t always as easy to handle in criminal court. The evidentiary standard in criminal cases is proof beyond a reasonable doubt, while in civil law cases, proof by a preponderance of the evidence is required. This is one reason why a restraining order can be so useful. Police can intervene based upon violations of the terms written in the order — concrete evidence. This is easy to demonstrate and doesn’t rely on scant evidence and subjective accounts. The charge might be contempt of court instead of domestic violence, but your safety is protected either way.
superfluous motions just to cause their ex stress or to rack up legal fees. Fortunately, courts don’t stand for this kind of behavior.
An ex-spouse using the court system to abuse or punish an ex is known as a “vexatious litigant.” According to the California Code of Civil Procedure, judges may institute a wide variety of
sanctions against a vexatious litigant, including publishing a list so judges give the matter extra attention. They may also require vexatious litigants to have every potential motion reviewed prior to filing. Can a restraining order impact the divorce process? A restraining order will play into certain custody determinations. It may also play into the division of marital property. For example, if a restraining order removes one spouse from the other’s home, the spouse who ends up staying in the home may end up keeping the home. If you have questions about harassment and divorce, give us a call at 949.363.5551. We’re here to answer your questions and help you determine the best next step if you are experiencing this type of harassment.
Is it possible to harass someone with litigation? Not in legal terms, but we’ve seen cases where an angry spouse tries to file
For more informative articles like this one, be sure to visit our blog at JustFamilyLaw.com/Family-Law-Expert-Blog
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Put an End to Networking Anxiety S top M issing O ut on P rofessional C onnections You’re at a networking event and have no clue where to begin. You look around the room at all the groups of people chatting away. After a quick assessment, your first instinct is to beeline for the refreshment table. Does this sound familiar? You are not alone. For a lot of people, from students to career-established professionals, working up the nerve to engage others in this kind of setting is a challenge. Whether you consider yourself an extrovert or an introvert, it’s not uncommon to face psychological barriers that keep us from getting the most out of networking events. One thing to remember is people who attend networking events fall on every point along the social spectrum. Regardless of where you land, use these tips to conquer the psychological barriers and get the most out of networking events. Ask yourself why you’re attending a networking event. Most people go to networking events to learn about career or business opportunities. They’re interested in connecting with thought leaders, finding resources, and discovering ways to improve themselves professionally. When you better understand what your purpose is, you can carry that mindset with you as you meet and interact with others later on. And remember, everyone’s goal is essentially the same. You want to meet people, and people want to meet you. Pick and choose your networking opportunities. Don’t attend an event because you feel obligated to or because one just presented itself. Networking events are common enough that you can choose which ones you feel you’ll get the most out of. Dedicate your time and energy to those you are most comfortable attending and make the most sense to you. Focus on making one or two solid connections. You don’t have to speak to every person or be a part of every conversation. Hone in on the people you genuinely want to meet with. You’re looking for a person with whom you can share a mutually beneficial relationship — someone you can learn from and who can learn from you. And, if you don’t make a solid connection this time, that’s okay! There is always next time.
Collin Kartchner is a resource for parents, educators, kids, and communities. He provides the insight and resources they need to break past the dark side of social media. If you haven’t gone to CollinKartchner.com or SaveTheKids.us, I encourage you to do so. These websites will help you prepare for that “social media talk” with your kids, grandkids, or students. The fact is that we’re all in this together. The influence of social media is everywhere. When we work together — and open the doors of healthy communication — we can curb the toxic influence of social media and better deal with issues like cyberbullying. As we begin a new year, make it a resolution to remind kids that life is so much more than what they see online. —John Bledsoe
Inspired by “Paleo Happy Hour” by Kelly Milton
Bacon-Wrapped Chestnuts A Paleo Appropriate Tradition
“Chestnuts roasting on an open fire” is an iconic image of Christmas, but we’re willing to bet most people reading this have never eaten a chestnut. Change that this year with this awesome paleo-friendly appetizer.
INGREDIENTS
• 2 8-oz cans water chestnuts • Tamari (wheat-free soy
• 1/4 cup coconut sugar • 1 lb sliced bacon, quartered
sauce), but can substitute with coconut aminos
DIRECTIONS
1. Heat an oven to 400 F. 2. Place a wire rack on a baking sheet lined with parchment and set aside. 3. Drain liquid from canned water chestnuts, add tamari to cover, and let soak for 15 minutes in the cans. 4. Drain tamari, roll each chestnut in coconut sugar, wrap with bacon, and spear on toothpick. 5. Place chestnuts on prepared rack. Bake for 30–35 minutes. 6. Plate and serve.
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Inside
Say ‘No’ to Social Media and Open the Doors of Communication
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How Santa Claus Became Powered by Reindeer
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How to Deal With Harassment During Divorce
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Defeat Networking Anxiety
Bacon-Wrapped Chestnuts
The History Behind Christmas Lights
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Light Up the Night
W hy D o W e H ang C hristmas L ights ?
The first string of twinkling lights illuminating your
and declared in the Detroit Post and Tribune, “One can hardly imagine anything prettier.”
neighbor’s house is always a telltale sign of the upcoming
Johnson continued this tradition, increasing the number of lights each year and eventually putting them up outside. But because electricity was still a new concept, many years passed before the fad took off for regular Americans. In 1923, President Calvin Coolidge began the tradition of lighting the National Christmas Tree, which spurred the idea of selling stringed lights commercially. By the 1930s, families everywhere were buying boxes of bulbs by the dozen. Today, an estimated 150 million Christmas lights are sold in America each year, decorating 80 million homes and consuming 6% of the nation’s electricity every December. Whether you’ll be putting up your own lights or appreciating the most impressive light displays in your neighborhood or town, let the glow fill you with joy this season. Just don’t leave them up until February!
seasonal festivities. Christmas lights are a holiday staple, but have you ever wondered where this beloved tradition started?
The tradition of hanging lights on the tree originally started with candles. Because this posed an immense fire hazard, Edward Hibberd Johnson, a close friend of Thomas Edison and vice president of the Edison Electric Light Company, vowed to find a better way to decorate Christmas trees with light. In December 1882, three years after Edison’s invention of the lightbulb in November 1879, Johnson hand-wired 80 red, white, and blue lightbulbs together and wound them around a Christmas tree in his parlor window. A passing reporter saw the spectacle
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