Mom RAGE
by Madeline Pistorius
Y . ou’ve slept maybe five hours the past few nights. You’re finishing emails while your child taps on your shoulder over and over again. The kids won’t stop fighting over the TV remote. You’ll make it to practice drop-off on time only if your child
stops refusing to get in the car. Dinner isn’t made, and neither is the school project your child mentioned an hour before bedtime. The house hasn’t been tidied in days—weeks, if you’re honest.
When you’ve hit that breaking point, taking a few deep breaths isn’t enough. Nova recommends putting your child somewhere safe and briefly stepping away yourself—not because there’s necessarily danger, but because your nervous system is flooded. “Step into another room, splash cold water on your face, and hold ice cubes in your hands,” she explains. “Cooling sensations are some of the best ways to regulate our nervous systems. In these moments, we need to regulate the body before we regulate the mind.” Nova also recommends reducing sensory overload through somatic regulation techniques, like using sensory tools, dimming the lights, or putting in noise-reducing headphones.
You literally can’t take another thing right now. Then you see red. This experience is what’s known as mom rage.
Mom rage is a nervous system overload response to chronic stress, invisible labor, hormonal shifts, overstimulation, sleep deprivation, identity loss, emotional suppression, and broader systemic and neurological factors, including patriarchy and neurodiversity. It is not synonymous with abusive behavior, but rather a state of dysregulation. “When we undergo typical parenting frustration, it can be temporary, easy to recover from, and we still feel relatively grounded,” describes therapist and author Martina Nova, MCPRCC, MCP. “But when we feel mom rage, it’s explosive or disproportionate, physically intense, and hard to stop once it’s activated—usually followed by guilt, shame, or emotional crashing.”
Reconnection After Overwhelm
Many mothers spiral into shame after yelling or emotionally breaking down, often withdrawing because they fear they’ve scared their child or caused damage. But reconnecting afterward is important, Nova explains. Acknowledging both your child’s feelings and your own can help interrupt that shame cycle and create space for repair instead of avoidance. “Children learn much more through rupture and repair than through no rupture at all. In some ways, it can be more beneficial for a child to experience a parent’s dysregulation if it’s followed by repair, rather than having a perfectly regulated parent all the time,” Nova says.
When Everything Boils Over
The buildup is often subtle at first. It can look like resentment over small tasks, feeling emotionally detached from your partner or children, snapping more easily than usual, or carrying a constant sense that you can never fully rest. Over time, those moments stack until the nervous system reaches a breaking point.
12 JULY 2026 | BIRMINGHAMPARENT.COM
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