JOSEPH F. EMMERTH A LOOK AT FAMILY LAW OF SULLIVAN TAYLOR & GUMINA, P.C.
READING AND WRITING
Your Way Through Life
April 2 is Children’s Book Day, and it has me thinking about stories, books, and other material I’ve read recently. Books are powerful
their home back from a couple that wants to remodel it into their dream cottage. These days, my tastes vary from horror to nonfiction. Recently, I’ve been reading a nonfiction book by Niall Ferguson, “The Square and the Tower: Networks and Power, from the Freemasons to Facebook.” although I don’t usually read many nonfiction books, I’ve found this book to be pretty interesting.
tools, and they can teach us important lessons that we can apply to our own lives. For kids in particular, books empower them to make good decisions and live a life with more empathy and understanding.
A valuable practice is to reflect on something after you’ve read it. Let the words and stories sink in, and you may find yourself arriving
My favorite book as a kid was “The House on Deer- Track Trail,” written
at a deeper meaning. This same principle can be applied to your own life’s story. Take the time to reflect on your own life; you may find you have a pretty interesting story yourself. Our lives are filled with diverse characters, dynamic conflicts, and varied events — all the makings of a good book. Is there something you’ve been struggling with in your life? If so, just remember you’re the author of your own book. It’s never too late to start thinking about your own life story and what you’d like to see happen in it.
“START THINKING ABOUT YOUR OWN LIFE STORY AND WHAT YOU’D LIKE TO HAPPEN IN IT.”
by Marty Kelly and illustrated by Ronald Himler. It’s about a group of animals who live in a ruined house. They must take
Does your story include that vacation you always wanted to go on? Will it include the constant conflicts with your ex-spouse? Whether your story includes happy moments or strife, always remember that you’re the author. Be sure your story is a good one and take the steps to make your life easier and more enjoyable. This April, think about what you’d like to have in your story — you can work through the issues one step at a time. When you decide a chapter needs to change, grab that pen and start writing it the way you want it to be. -Joseph Emmerth
AN INTERVIEW WITH JOHN GOLL, LMFT
Northern Illinois Men’s Counseling
WHY DID YOU BECOME A LICENSED MARRIAGE AND FAMILY THERAPIST? In the process of my divorce and the difficult recovery period afterward, I began to see the
toward positive and constructive co-parenting partnerships that can make the best of the difficult process of divorce.
WHAT TYPES OF SERVICES DO YOU OFFER?
I offer individual and couple’s counseling for many kinds of personal and relationship issues. My individual focus is with men, simply because I appreciate that men are often ill-equipped for intimate relationships. Our culture doesn’t teach men how to do it, so they tend to respond poorly when things go wrong. With couples, I use a method known as Emotionally Focused Therapy for couples, which is the most thoroughly researched and validated method for healing couple relationships. I also occasionally offer group therapy for men who are struggling with all aspects of relationships. First, sit down with a qualified counselor who specializes in couple’s therapy. Give the process enough time to allow you both to evaluate where the relationship went wrong and what, if anything, you need to do to repair it. Take the time to honestly look at your own role in the deterioration of the relationship. This information will be critical to either repair the relationship or to go through the uncoupling process in a way that will be civil, respectful, and as healthy and painless as possible for the children. Avoid starting another relationship while you are in the process of counseling, separation, or divorce. If you are already in another relationship, consider putting it “on hold” while you sort things out with your partner. The easiest way to learn about me and my practice is through my website, which contains a good deal of information about how I work, who I am, and what you can expect. I welcome calls and emails with questions or requests for more information. When you are ready, you can use the online scheduling tool at my website to see my available appointment times. From there, you can select and schedule whatever time works best for you without having to play phone tag with me. You can find my website at www.NorthernIllinoisMensCounseling.com. WHAT ADVICE WOULD YOU GIVE COUPLES CONSIDERING A DIVORCE? HOW CAN PEOPLE LEARN MORE ABOUT YOU OR CONTACT YOU?
ways I had contributed to — and even set up — the downfall of my marriage. Like many, I wanted to blame my problems on other people, but I was helped to see the part I had played and how I made the process more difficult. The heartbreak of watching the pain my daughter and ex-wife went through — pain that neither of them deserved — inspired me to do what I can to help others minimize the damage of a divorce. The hard work and deep satisfaction of my second marriage drove home the importance of owning the ways I contributed to the dysfunction in my first marriage and doing whatever it took to change that pattern in my next relationship. Ultimately, all of us function better now — we’re more successful and far healthier when we are in loving, secure, and supportive relationships. Science has shown that all of us function better, we have more success and better health when we are in loving, secure, and supportive relationships. I made it my goal to help people achieve that. I find deep satisfaction in watching men and women become aware of their negative patterns of conflict and realize how their usual coping strategies undermine their most important relationships. As they take responsibility for their part in interactions with their partners, they move become more empowered and less victim-like. They start working together in less reactive and hurtful ways. This shift is vital in repairing relationships, and it can make the uncoupling process less painful. I help people heal and strengthen their relationships to reach new levels of satisfaction and commitment, or to move WHAT DO YOU ENJOY MOST ABOUT YOUR WORK?
CHILD SUPPORT TERMINATION:
WHAT YOU NEED TO KNOW
Going through a divorce can be a stressful and emotional time for anyone, especially when there are children involved. Child custody and support will have to be decided between the two parents, and if that can’t be accomplished, it’s done through the court by a judge. Deciding child support can be more complex than most people realize. In Illinois, a concept called “income shares” is utilized to determine the proper level of child support. Both parents’ incomes are considered and taken into account in calculating the level of support the child (or children) will receive.
are particular cases where this occurs, a parent cannot assume they can stop paying support when the child turns 18. If they wish to stop paying support, they will have to make an appeal to the court to have it modified. When there is more than one child involved, the paying parent cannot stop or pay less in support when one of the children turns 18 if the order covers all children. A spouse will have to petition the court to either get the support dropped or lowered. If the parent assumes that they don’t have to pay after one child turns a certain age, they will face legal penalties for not following the court order. If a child wants to be emancipated between the ages of 16 and 18, then neither parent will be obligated to support that child. Becoming emancipated can be a huge step to take for a teen and should be considered seriously before any action is taken. Though parents are not obligated to support in cases like this, if a minor is only partially emancipated, a court may order their parents to support them. You don’t have to struggle through these steps and wonder about the “what ifs” by yourself. At Sullivan Taylor & Gumina, we are here to help you achieve what’s best for you and your children. Call us today at 630-756-5112.
Some parents may think that child support ends when a child turns a particular age, but that’s not always the case. Court orders don’t always come with an age limit — they can be set on what either spouse or judge decides on. The age majority in Illinois is 18, but that isn’t set in stone. When there
HAVE A LAUGH!
Recipe inspired by realsimple.com
PASTA WITH TURKEY AND BROCCOLI
This simple, delicious recipe only takes 20 minutes from start to finish. It’s also a great way to encourage kids to eat their broccoli. The next time you make pasta, leave the canned sauce in the pantry and make this instead!
• 3/4 pounds pasta (shells or orecchiette) • 2 cups broccoli florets • 3 tablespoons olive oil • 1 pound ground turkey • 2 cloves garlic, chopped • 1/2 teaspoon crushed red pepper
• Salt • Parmesan cheese
of salt. Cook while breaking up meat with a wooden spoon for 3–5 minutes. 3. Combine turkey with pasta and broccoli mixture, adding the remaining olive oil as you stir. Serve in bowls topped with Parmesan.
1. Cook the pasta according to package directions. Add broccoli when pasta is 1 minute from done. Drain both and return to pot. 2. Heat 1 tablespoon olive oil in a skillet
over medium-high heat. Add the turkey, garlic, crushed red pepper, and a pinch
JOSEPH F. EMMERTH OF SULLIVAN TAYLOR & GUMINA, P.C.
PRST STD US POSTAGE PAID BOISE, ID PERMIT 411
630-665-7676 | www.stglawfirm.com Monday - Friday 8:30am - 5pm INSIDE THIS ISSUE
1250 E. Diehl Rd., Suite 400 Naperville, IL 60563
It’s Your Life and Your Story PAGE 1
An Interview With John Goll, LMFT PAGE 2 Child Support Termination Tips PAGE 3 Pasta With Turkey and Broccoli PAGE 3
Why You Should Consider a Media Detox PAGE 4
DO YOU NEED A MEDIA DETOX? THE DANGERS OF OVERSTIMULATION
With the current trend of getting TV, social media, and news alerts sent to our phones, we have access to more media than we could ever consume. While constant connectivity is a boon for many aspects of our lives, researchers are discovering that too much stimulation is cause for concern. One study in the Journal of Social and Clinical Psychology found that too much social comparison, spurred by the likes of Facebook and cable news, can lead to an increased risk of depression. If you find yourself pressured to live up to the public lives of friends and family, or if you feel like you’re being bombarded with too much news and entertainment, consider a media detox. A detox doesn’t require you to unsubscribe from social media services or unplug your TV forever. Instead, think of it as a vacation from the overstimulation so many of us experience. Ask yourself which aspects of your media diet are causing more stress than they’re worth, and take a break from them for a little while. “In the same way we think about what we eat, we should think about what we read, what we’re seeing, what we’re engaging in, and what we’re interacting with every day,” Emma Watson told CNN in an interview about her selective social media use. If you’re
not mindful of your media consumption and participation, it tends to pile up. When you detox, it’s a lot easier to identify which parts of your media diet are essential and which are only a burden. Another benefit of a media detox is that you’ll have more time to pursue new and dormant hobbies. Because most of us
consume media in small chunks throughout the day, it’s easy to overlook how much that time adds up. All those hours you spend on Facebook could be used to start a garden, knit a quilt, or join a soccer league. Unless you have an unlimited supply of leisure time (and who does?), you need to be selective in the way you spend it. Remember, media isn’t the cause of all your ills. Used mindfully, it can actually increase happiness and satisfaction. The problem is that we are so mired in the media muck that we can’t get a perspective on how much is too much. A detox will allow you to reassess the media you’re consuming and build a better plan for the future. You can still keep up with your grandkids on Facebook, but it shouldn’t be the only way you interact with the world.
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