Vol 5. Edition 5
News from CannaTown
One of the most common questions we get in the Dispatches newsroom is “Where’s the bathroom?” ough so routine in our daily survival, we editors decided the more appropriate question is, “Where’s the best bathroom?” Today we explore the most luxurious and cutting-edge toilets in town, guaranteed to make your poop break an unforgettable one. First up, we have the "Golden rone" at the swanky Waxdorf Hotel, where cleanli- ness is godliness. A crapper used by all of the who’s who in Cannatown, hang around long enough and you might just spot “Brass” Eddie or Aretha Guiseppe taking care of business. is toilet is made entirely out of 24-carat gold, and encrusted with diamonds and rubies and raw oysters. It’s equipped with a double-bidet, and the seat itself is an actual converted throne recycled Best Bathrooms in Cannatown Top Toilets for Tinkle Time
lection system. Plus, you'll feel like you're doing your part for the environment. e downside is that it’s a literal hole in the ground and attracts an inglorious army of Mayies during spring. For the ultimate high-tech experience, head over to the "Smart Bathroom" at the Dankavity Terrace shopping center. is toilet is equipped with voice-activated
controls, so you can ush, wash your hands, and even order pizza without ever having to touch a button. It also has a built-in en- tertainment system, so you can catch up on your favorite TV shows or play games while you're dealing with Montezuma’s revenge. Last but not least, try the "Time Traveling Toilettes" located in the Historic District. Each john is a blast from the past, designed to look like a classic outhouse from the 1800s. But don't let its rustic appear- ance fool you – step inside, and you'll be transported to dierent eras of history, from ancient Rome to medieval Europe to the Wild West. eoretically, it’s scienti- cally possible given the non-stop plumes of Headband live rosin dabs coming through the air vents, so you’re essentially raked solid by time you try to wipe. Hundreds of loos were considered but only four could be named the best. Wheth- er you're in the mood for opulence, the outdoors, high-tech features, or time travel, there’s a boweltopia for everyone, such that they stop using the newsroom latrine, which again, is not open to the public.
from the British Museum in the Little England district. Reect as you sit among cavernous glitzy pillars and enjoy the Ger- man Renaissance architecture. ere’s an inherent echo and rushing ambience that zeroes out any unfortunate sounds and smells with disinfecting white noise. If you're more of a nature lover, you'll want to check out the "Eco-Friendly Oasis" at the Pungton Park. is toilet is entirely self-sustaining, thanks to its rainwater col-
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