That was me – a turtle without a shell living in a briar patch. Everything was new and different and foreign. And I felt like everyone was looking at me, noticing that I wasn’t drinking, that I was SO different. Now, just over two years into sobriety, I understand that people not only don’t notice, but they also don’t really care. There may be an awkward moment or two when someone asks what I want to drink and I proudly and simply reply, “I don’t drink” or instead just order my favorite mocktail. There may be a quick glance or question, but life moves on quickly, my lack of drinking is barely noticed. This works with people you don’t know very well, but family can be a different story. I have a history with these people, they have seen me at my worst. They had also seen me try and fail before. My current attempt at not drinking was noticeable and it was questioned. Add in the holidays and expectations of a happy family get together (which is always hoped for but hardly ever the case) and I quickly found myself in a very large briar patch completely naked. Over the past few years, I put together the following 15 holiday survival strategies. They can be used anytime or anyplace, but the holidays seem to be when they come into play the most. I have divided them into three “categories”. You can pick from each category or simply pick one that speaks to you. Physical (strategies to calm your nervous system) 1.Tapping – many of you may be familiar with EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique) or tapping. This is a variation of tapping that can be done anywhere and in front of anyone without notice. Place your palm in center of your chest; your heart center. Place it so the first two fingers of your hand can reach your collarbone and then extend your thumb to reach the other collarbone. Keeping your palm over your heart, gently tap your collarbones with your fingers and thumb.Feel your heart beating under your palm and while tapping silently repeat “me” several times, internally acknowledging and remembering that you are supporting you and that you are worth it. 2.Breathe. We always forget to just breathe. You can do this without attracting any attention. A simple box breath. Breath in for a count of four, hold for a count of four, breath out for a count of four and hold again for a count of four.Repeat 3-5 times.
Early in my sobriety, I came across an article by Brene Brown describing what her sobriety meant to her. There was a section of the article that spoke to my heart: (Read here ) Ten years after I got sober, my breakdown spiritual awakening started. In addition to not drinking, I had just quit sugar and bread for the first time. I thought I was going to come out of my skin. I sat across from my therapist, Diana, and said, “You need to give me something for my anxiety. I can’t take it. There’s nothing to take the edge off anymore. I’m freaking out.”
Diana calmly replied, “What do you want me to give you?”
Infuriated by her calmness, I said, “I don’t know! Medicine. Something for the anxiety! I’m like a turtle without a shell. I have NO SHELL! No booze, no muffins, nothing! I’m a turtle without a shell in a briar patch. Everything in the briar patch is poking me and jabbing me. It hurts.”
She said, “Maybe we should talk about getting out of the briar patch?”
I was pissed. “Get out of the fucking briar patch? That’s your advice? Instead of giving me a new shell, you want me to live somewhere less prickly? Seriously?” Diana said, “You don’t need to find a different place to live. Maybe we could just think about a different way to live. One that doesn’t require that heavy shell.” DAMMIT. We spent the better part of a year identifying the briar patch, and I learned how to be a turtle without a shell. Today, when I’m feeling poked and jabbed by life, my first instinct is still to reach for the shell, but now I catch myself. My briar patch is not enough sleep, too much work, too many expectations, resentment, perfecting, pleasing, proving, and a few other thorny things.
HOLA SOBER | MADRID
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