Practical (general strategies that keep you sane)
Eckhart Tolle states, “Rather than being your thoughts and emotions, be the awareness behind them.” Asking “why” helps me bring awareness to the conversations in my head. It keeps me in the now, what is happening in this moment that is making me feel a certain way. It stops the old, tired stories that I have told myself for years and helps me break old patterns and habits. It questions assumptions I have made about my thoughts and actions. Asking “why” has become my favorite game to play with myself.The only rule, and it is an IMPORTANT rule, is that you ask “why” with curiosity. Shame, blame, regret, they have no place here. Simply be open to being curious about your thoughts and willing to challenge the ones that may no longer serve you. 8. Set boundaries for yourself. You do not have to go anywhere you are not comfortable – ever. Not family events, not work events. Your comfort and your sobriety are more important than any event. Practice and repeat often, “Thank you for including me, but I already have plans.” Keep it simple and remember there is no need for any further explaining. Your plans are no one’s business but your own. Boundaries are empowering. And remember that, should you choose to attend, you can also walk away from a conversation at any time. There is no reason to engage if it is in any way triggering for you and you need NO excuse to opt- out. 9. Remember it is one day out of the year or the month. It is just one day. And you can do anything for one day or one hour or one minute. Plan something special for you instead. Take yourself on a date, make your favorite meal, watch your favorite movie, anything to keep you focused on what you are grateful for, not what you think you are missing. 10.. Make a list of all the things that might happen at any event and then cross out everything that is beyond your control. You will find that what you are left with is how you may or may not feel, what you say and do, whether or not you show up, when you leave, what you wear, what you bring, etc. You cannot control what other people say, how they act, who is at the event, what or how much they drink or anything else they might do. Stick to what you can control and let go of the rest.
11. Never ever forget that you ALWAYS have a choice. ALWAYS. And if you don’t like the choice you made, make a new one. 12. Reach out. Meetings, What’s App, text, phone calls. Use your support system. Friends and mentors are an important lifeline and they have been in your shoes. 13. Leave early – always have an exit plan. Needing to get home for pets or children or because you have an early meeting in the morning all seem to work well. But make sure you have something in your back pocket for when you have had enough of the festivities. Or just say thank you and leave, no excuse necessary. Again, your plans are no one else’s concern. 14. Show up with something that makes you feel like you are treating yourself. Maybe it is NA beer or your favorite mocktail or maybe you bring your favorite cookies or other contribution to the gathering. It could also be buying and wearing a new outfit or earrings or shoes. Anything that brings your internal attention to yourself and the fact that you are treating yourself to something special other than alcohol. 15. Remember that reaching our goals does not always have to mean hard work. Don’t forget to celebrate successes, no matter how small. No time spent in joy is ever wasted and you are worth every minute. Life is what it is and that means there will be briar patches occasionally. Expect them. And start practicing and perfecting strategies that will help you when you encounter those rough spots without your shell on. Always remind yourself that this is about you and your needs and your goals. And you are worth every effort. Show yourself the love and respect you deserve.
HOLA SOBER | MADRID
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