In the deep end In the deep end is where I started Alone, scared, suffocated by loneliness Not a fleeting feeling of loneliness but a feeling that I could feel to the depths of my soul. My drinking numbed this feeling. It numbed the anxiety of feeling as though no one, not even those closest tome, had any idea of who I reallywas. What my desires and dreams reallywere. It was easier to show themmy darkness after a heavy night of drinking. You see the darkness keeps people at bay. It shields you for the timing being. It buys you time to feel the depth of the deep end. I feared sharingmy true self and desires with those aroundme, more than I feared drowning in the deep end. Onlywhen I faced the fear and the loneliness and decided to start unravelingmy own darkness, did I finally get the smallest of breaths inmy lungs to swim to the safer waters. The waters that calledme to wade there, for however long I needed, to safety. Safety for me was putting down the drink, owningmy darkness and fear of the deep end, and still deciding to take those breaths anyway. By Shana E.
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