by Erich F. Brauer
He who spares the rod hates his son, hut he who loves him is diligent to discipline him E very C hristian parent knows that the rod of the heavenly Father plays just as vital a part in build ing His kingdom as do His showers of blessings. God often says ‘no’ to His beloved children. And, al though we sometimes do not understand or appreciate His frequent ‘noes’ in response to our fervent prayers, they are, nevertheless, just as important to us as His multiple ‘yeses,’ and Christians confidently accept His disciplinary decisions with humble and cheerful sub mission. This is because God knows how to say no. He does so lovingly, always in the interest of our eternal welfare. God says no with a perfect understanding of the nature and the needs of the individual to whom He says it. He is reasonable in the treatment of His children; “He will not let you be tempted beyond your strength” (I Cor. 10:13 RSV). He says no firmly, leaving no doubt as to the course He wants us to follow. These are only a few of the methods of the heavenly Father from which Christian parents today may learn in dealing with their children. Say No Unitedly Parents must say no together. Where there is dis agreement in disciplinary decisions, the child is quick to sense this and to take advantage of the situation by at tempting to rally either parent to his side. If Mother says no, the boy may appeal to his father, and, sidling up to him in his most winning way, plead, “Can I, Daddy? You understand boys so much better.” The father may be vulnerable to his son’s strategy, and, either be cause of vanity or through eagerness to retain the child’s affection, he yields. And the result is that discipline in the home will become more and more difficult. If the husband does not agree with the character or the severity of a disciplinary decision rendered by .his wife, it is best for him to support it at that time. Later he may privately share his viewpoint with her so that they may come to a mutual agreement in handling the next situation. Where there are grandparents living in the home, they, too, must understand the importance of supporting the par ents’ decisions wholeheartedly. Say No Consistently Nothing is so bewildering to children and tends to
make them more resistant to discipline than nondependa bility of the parents’ decision. We should not say yes to day and no tomorrow unless there is a good reason for this reversal and that reason has been carefully explained to the child. Our ‘yeses’ and our ‘noes’ must be something our children can count on. If anywhere amid the insta bility of our world children need to experience faith in a promise and trsut in a decision, it is the home. If, because of an unforeseen circumstance, Mother can’t keep her promise to take Susie to the swimming pool on Wed nesday, she ought to arrange to keep the obligation at a given time later and help Susie see that the postpone ment was not Mother’s fault. “Somewhere I saw a picture of a boy dancing in temper before his mother,” recounts Dr. Thompson, “shouting in his disappointment, ‘But, Mom, you promised that this was one promise you would keep!’ ” Care must also be taken that parents do not play favorites. If there is a difference in our treatment of in dividual children in the family attributable to varying temperaments, ages, or needs, it should not be done with out trying to help the others understand why. Archbishop Temple beautifully illustrates the Christian parent’s ap proach to the needs of each of his children, when he says: “An earthly father who loves all his children equally, may yet have special ties of intimacy with each one, a peculiar tenderness in each case; this one is so eager, that one so gentle, another so wistfully affection ate; he does not love one more than another, but he loves each differently.” Say No Reasonably No doubt, many disciplinary problems might be solved if parents could press some magic button which could whisk them back to re-experience a bit of their own childhood. It is hard for adults to know just how children feel and why they often act as they do. Wise parents will take the child’s stage of development into account; they will be more patient and understanding when they consider children’s limitations in regard to co-ordination, vocabulary, etc. Children do things more slowly and often find it difficult to express themselves precisely. Knowing this, parents will not expect more of their children than they can do, and, when they fail to meet their demands, they will not be quick to interpret (continued on next page)
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JU N E , 1963
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