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“Push. Good. Be willing to work hard here. Strike the ground underneath you. I’m obsessed with your arms right now. They’re doing exactly what they have to do,” she says as I nearly tumble to the ground during our last set of fast drills. “That’s the thing I love about track. It’s more than just what the time is on the track, right? It’s about how you show up for yourself when your back’s against the wall.” Her words slowly wipe away the dark parts of 2020. I am willing. I am grateful. I surrender. Starting this assignment, my focus was solely on time. But you don’t wear a Team USA race kit by just working on technique. It starts with the mind, building confidence in yourself, trusting in those coaching you, and pushing forward when you want to give up. Hawkins reminds me of this while we spend our last day journaling about our goals. “Understand what you want first, and then go for it. Then keep going for it all the time, and, eventually, you’ll get it,” Hawkins says. Never give up, she stresses, no matter the objective. Lacing up to do my final time test, I feel something I haven’t felt in three years: excitement. It’s time to cut the ties that have bonded running and depression for so long. Ready, set… One mile: 8:51.
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San Diego | (619) 233-5979 | 353 Fifth Ave. Long Beach | Costa Mesa | CafeSevilla.com
50 NOVEMBER 2023
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