How Pregnancy Shifts Relationships And Then There Were Three (or More) By Amanda Ciani
I t has been very accurately stated that babies are a blessing! Yet, at the same time, “three is a crowd” is another popular idiom. Pregnancy thrown into the mix of a preexisting relationship can be exhilarating, a little stressful, and honestly, any mix of the two depending on the day or even hour! Because two things (and feelings) can be true at the same time, and because emotions are complicated, we chatted with licensed therapist and founder of Early Bonds Therapy Laura Todd about pregnancy and how it affects relationships for bet- ter or worse. Understanding the shifts can be very helpful, and ultimately, the mindfulness about the changes can help safeguard relationships and keep them going as strong as ever. Pregnancy Ups, Downs, and All Arounds Whether adding a first baby or growing the family, and regardless of whether the pregnancy is planned or a surprise, there are lots of feelings that can arise when a couple becomes pregnant. The months of heightened emotions can both solidify and also test relationships. During pregnancy, some relationship ups and downs that could occur include:
each other are doing and try to focus on open communication.” Lean into and focus on the excitement and feelings of closeness, while also being cognizant of the fears or worries. In fact, simply naming the feelings and talking about them can alleviate some stress. Todd notes that these discussions during pregnancy can set parents up for future success. “The importance of this communication before baby arrives is to address future pain points that are highly likely to happen and have a plan before things get overwhelming and more difficult to talk about. Things like sleep deprivation, boundaries, invisible labor, expectations, baby care tasks, and household tasks are important areas to discuss in preparation for baby’s arrival.” Take the time while baby is in utero to develop healthy communication habits like being open, vulnerable, and solution-driven while avoiding being
■ Deep bonding and closeness—creating new life is a beautiful thing. ■ Excitement over planning the nursery, making a registry, throwing baby show- ers, creating a birth plan, etc. ■ Feelings of security and stability, a rooted comfort and commitment to family. ■ Anticipation of what the baby will look like, how they will act, who they will become, and what the future holds. ■ Wavering confidence can occur. The identity shift of becoming mom and dad is a big change with a lot of question marks surrounding it. ■ Anxiety over medical appointments. ■ Worry over finances. Todd also notes, “There may be ad- justments around responsibilities and expectations if the person carrying the pregnancy is physically unable to help out with the household, especially during the first and third trimesters.” Communication is Key One of the best ways to work through the shifts pregnancy can cause is to anticipate them, acknowledge them, and talk through them. Todd suggests couples “have check-ins to see how
defensive or dismissive. Planning for Success
Once feelings are out in the open and all parties feel heard, the hard work of coming up with solutions and making a plan can happen together. Todd sug- gests that, “the best way couples can
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