M oth er-in -lM tv Q, I wish you would discuss how to be a good mother-in-law. I sometimes wonder if Pm doing so well. A. Although we hear a lot of jokes about the mother-in-law, I think for the most part she is well liked. Many people have told me that they loved their mother-in-law as much or more than they did their own mother. The beautiful Bible story of Ruth and Na omi presents a good mother-in-law relationship. Ruth even wanted and found God because of Naomi. “ And Ruth said, Intreat me not to leave thee, or to return from following after thee: for whither thou goest, I will' go; and where thou lodgest, I will lodge: thy people shall be my people, and thy God my God: Where thou diest, will I die, and there will I be buried: the Lord do so to me, and more also, if ought but death part thee and me.” The role of the mother-in-law may be difficult at times, but it is cer tainly an important one, and it can be one of the greatest pleasures of your lifetime. It is hard for mothers to stop making suggestions just be cause their sons or daughters are married. But if you can realize that each family has its own entity, and that parents have no right to inter fere with their children’s families, you will be happier and more appre ciated. Actually, being a good mother-in- law is not too different from being a good person in any circumstance. I suggest that you train yourself to be an interested, understanding per son ready to help if requested. Be careful of expressing opinions unless you’re asked. A young couple will probably benefit more from dis cussing their problem with you than by getting your advice, and they’ll love you for it, too! In other words, they don’t need your suggestions as much as they need someone who will let them talk about their problems. You do have a prayer responsibil ity. This is a blessed ministry. Many of us know what it is to have a mother-in-law who knows how to pray. If more mothers-in-law devoted themselves to prayer rather than in terfering with their children’s fam ilies, everyone would be happier, and God would pour out great blessings. Most mothers-in-law who aren’t doing so well, don’t realize the trou ble is with them, and they aren’t seeking help. Since you are so open and frank with your question, want ing to improve yourself, I can well imagine that you are a fine mother- in-law already.
O u e r
Dr. Clyde M. Narramore, graduate of Columbia University/ New York City, is a psychologist and Consultant in Research and Guidance with one of the largest school systems in America.
Clyde M. Narramore, Ed.D.
from unsaved young people who had few or no standards of conduct. On the other hand he may have been raised in an environment in which he was not loved by his par ents. One of the basic needs of all people is love and affection. Children raised in homes where there is little love, tend to compensate for it in other ways. I would be cautious of any boy who made too many demands during dates. If he does it now, he’s likely to continue to make all sorts of un reasonable demands later on. Here is something to consider: If you can’t satisfy him now in a clean, wholesome, Christian manner, it is likely that you will never be able to satisfy him. His actions now may be an indication that he really does not care much for you. Love always in cludes respect and control. A fellow who can’t control himself before mar riage usually doesn’t show self con trol after marriage. If I were you, I would talk to him about it. Tell him how you feel. If he cares for you, he will under stand and do the right thing. If not, he’s not worthy of your time and company. P.S. Perhaps you can give him a copy of this issue of K i n g ’ s B u s i n e s s , pointing out the monthly feature en titled, “ Talking It Over.” Understanding Our Boys & Girls A new book by Clyde M. Narramore Suggestions for parents and teachers in out line summary form. Describes growth and development characteristics at each age level. Covers physical growth, actions and reaction, special needs and how adults can be most effective. Includes psychological case studies of I) a boy who was lazy, 2) a high school girl who didn't get along with parents, 3) a boy who caused trouble at school and home. S4 pages • postpa id Dr. Clyde M. Narramore
The R ea l P rob lem Q. 7 have a friend who says she doesn’ t give her heart to the Lord because she has known of several Christians who have had mental breakdowns. She says that if God can’t prevent this in the life of a be liever, what then does the Christian have that the non-Christian does not have. Can you give me a little help with this? A. You have really asked several im portant questions, and I wish that I might have space to answer them all fully. However, it seems to me that this woman’s problem really has almost nothing to do with whether Chris tians do or do not have mental ill ness. She is evidently laying down the terms to God, before she is will ing to trust Him. The real issue is the sin problem. Her acceptance of Christ as her personal Saviour should be based on the fact that she is a sinner, lost and without God. After she is saved God will help her face all other problems, including illness. W h a t I f H e Is F resh ? Q. If you go out with a boy who is fresh” and wants to pet, what should you do? He is a Christian. A. From your letter, it is evident that the boy you speak of does not treat you with the respect that is due every girl and that he is making de mands of you that are not right. The world has many people who are maladjusted, ignorant, who lack training and who are not spiritually minded. He may be one of them. I don’t think you should have to be the object of someone’s maladjustment. The boy you mention may be a Christian, but not a consecrated one. No doubt he lacks training. Many Christian boys are raised in homes where such things are not discussed, hence they actually don’t know what is proper and what is not. He may have gained his impressions of dates
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APRIL, 1955
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