Emotional Suppression in Boys: Importance of Teaching Language
by Amelia Roessler
10 MAY 2026 | BIRMINGHAMPARENT.COM “If boys aren’t taught that emotional vocabulary, it’s hard for them to distinguish their feelings. They don’t know what’s going on,” says Dr. Lucker. “Maybe they’re feeling frustration, or they can’t separate them out.” With no words to accurately express what baseline, boys and girls both have the ability to express and show emotions, she thinks boys aren’t taught emotional vocabulary when girls are. W . e might see boys mask sadness with anger, internalize shame, and have more moments of acting out. They’re told to shake things off, don’t cry, be tough. And when the anger comes, people might say, “Oh, boys will be boys.” Dr. Alyssa Lucker, the medical director at Pathlight Mood and Anxiety Center, says over time, boys are taught that it’s not appropriate to express emotion. While she says at
they’re feeling, boys might turn to anger. Along with encompassing other emotions, anger gives a sense of protection for boys afraid to show vulnerability, Dr. Lucker explains.
acting out, or aggression. Dr. Lucker believes emotional suppression also involves how the parents were raised. If parents don’t feel comfortable talking about emotions because they never talked about them growing up, it’s unlikely they’ll be comfortable talking about it with their kids. While Dr. Lucker says emotional suppression is seen more in boys than girls, she turns to language to see signs of emotional suppression. Through observation, parents can label what they see—say a boy getting mad and throwing toys—and acknowledge to the boy that they looked upset and ask if they were feeling angry or embarrassed or hurt. “Giving them words, and maybe it’s a ‘I don’t know what embarrass means,’ and then it’s explaining to them that it means this,” explains Dr. Lucker.
UNDERSTANDING WHAT’S DRIVING IT
Trying to understand what is driving a tantrum, or an outburst, or aggression is the first step. Look at what came before the behavior, and then what was the consequence. Maybe a child was trying to express they were hungry and didn’t have the words, but they knew that throwing a tantrum gets a parent’s attention and gets their needs met. “There’s always a reason for why someone is acting, the way they’re doing it,” she explains. Without proper language, boys might express externally as irritability, shutting down,
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