Remembering Marriage in the Middle of Parenthood
BY AMELIA ROESSLER
B abies are supposed to bring couples closer. In reality, they often do the opposite—at least at first. The transition of going from DINK (dual income, no kids) or DINKWAD (dual income, no kids, with a dog) to a family has today’s parents—often juggling careers, financial pressure, and limited support—feeling the strain in their relationship more than ever. This normal transition into parenthood, typically seen as a time of joy and optimism, could also be a time of significant strain for new parents. This can especially be felt in a relationship when your new roommate is cute, but moody with a powerful set of vocal chords. For the vast majority of couples, what psychologists call “protective” relationship
factors—communication, intimacy, and time together—take a hit when a baby is born. Throw in sleep deprivation and financial anxi- ety and it can seem impossible for a couple to avoid conflict or tension after having a child. Nancy Brittain, LCSW says one of the most common experiences she hears is when a couple feels like roommates. “Even couples that feel they do a pretty good job of copar- enting and managing their household worry that they are losing more of the romantic and intimate aspects of their relationship,” she explains. Another common challenge Brittain sees couples experience is the struggle to equitably share household and relationship labor. When one partner in the relationship is breastfeeding, there is inevitably a mismatch
in the amount of time and energy spent in the early months, and she says it’s often difficult for couples to figure out how to balance it. Sleep deprivation, general overwhelm, and a lack of a “village” to help support parents during the early years, as well as work environments that don’t support new parents with paid leave, are also common challenges Brittain cites for parents. “I also see couples struggle with how to reconcile different parenting styles and philosophies,” Brittain says. “Parenting can also have a way of activating old trauma–if we aren’t aware of this, it can show up in
traumatized parenting, or difficulty staying regulated in the face of our kids’ dysregulation.”
28 JUNE 2026 | BRPARENTS.COM
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