Remembering Marriage in the Middle of Parenthood
BY AMELIA ROESSLER
B abies are supposed to bring couples closer. In reality, they often do the opposite—at least at first. The transition of going from DINK (dual income, no kids) or DINKWAD (dual income, no kids, with a dog) to a family has today’s parents—often juggling careers, financial pressure, and limited support—feeling the strain in their relationship more than ever. This normal transition into parenthood, typically seen as a time of joy and optimism, could also be a time of significant strain for new parents. This can especially be felt in a relationship when your new roommate is cute, but moody with a powerful set of vocal chords. For the vast majority of couples, what psychologists call “protective” relationship factors—communication, intimacy, and time together—take a hit when a baby is born. Throw in sleep deprivation and financial anxi- ety and it can seem impossible for a couple to avoid conflict or tension after having a child. Nancy Brittain, LCSW and founder of Colora- do Therapy Collective, says one of the most common experiences she hears is when a couple feels like roommates. “Even couples
that feel they do a pretty good job of copar- enting and managing their household worry that they are losing more of the romantic and intimate aspects of their relationship,” she explains. Another common challenge Brittain sees couples experience is the struggle to eq- uitably share household and relationship labor. When one partner in the relationship is breastfeeding, there is inevitably a mismatch in the amount of time and energy spent in the early months, and she says it’s often difficult for couples to figure out how to balance it. Sleep deprivation, general overwhelm, and a lack of a “village” to help support parents during the early years, as well as work envi- ronments that don’t support new parents with paid leave, are also common challenges Brittain cites for parents. “I also see couples struggle with how to rec- oncile different parenting styles and philoso- phies,” Brittain says. “Parenting can also have a way of activating old trauma–if we aren’t aware of this it can show up in traumatized parenting, or difficulty staying regulated in the face of our kids’ dysregulation.”
Social media is an idealized highlight reel of smiling parents with adorable babies. It’s a constant challenge figuring out what is true about what we’re consuming, and the same goes for parents. “The algorithm may be feeding someone Bal- lerina Farms-style mommy content in which a thin and beautiful woman is raising eight children while also managing to bake fresh bread daily and never has a hair out of place,” Brittain explains. “Or it may be feeding them ‘manosphere’ content of fathers bragging about never changing a diaper. Of course, the reality of this content is that there are many people behind the scenes supporting the family and the content is being carefully cu- rated. So it’s important to keep in mind that whether it’s a professional content creator or a neighbor, what people put on social media is usually only one part of the story.” Brittain says the trick is to normalize that your relationship feels different and feels chal- lenging, while also not surrendering to an inevitable drift and continuing to find ways to invest in the romantic relationship and turn toward each other.
WORKING THROUGH IT
14 JUNE 2026 | CINCINNATIFAMILYMAGAZINE.COM
Made with FlippingBook Ebook Creator