American Consequences - December 2018

TOYS FOR KIDS Some children are nice. Some children are naughty. Some children are much worse than that. I know. I was one – a horrid little brat. My parents said I’d get a Christmas stocking full of sticks and coal. I didn’t care. Coal was a thriving business back then. I put out the largest stocking I could find. If I got enough coal I could sell it and buy firecrackers to scare the cat and slingshots to break windows. And sticks were just the thing to brandish at younger brothers, poke holes in screen doors, and run along picket fence slats making a terrible racket to bug the old couple living next door.

Therefore, if you have really bad kids, make sure they get really bad presents.

Cubicle Clyde Similar to G.I. Joe, but he just sits there at a toy desk doing nothing. HO Gauge Model Amtrak Train Like Cubicle Clyde – it just sits there.

Betsy-Fretsy Doll

Wets, burps, poops, spits up, and screams all night long.

Mr. Broccoli Head Comes with stick-on eyes, ears, and nose. Now you have to eat it. All of it. Atari “Work Station” No games, just homework and a list of chores. Pinch-You Elmo Tickle this Muppet and get what you’ve got coming!


December 2018

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