USELESS CHRISTMAS TRIVIA
speaking of Rudolph’s red nose, this is how some people at this table are beginning to pronounce their words. I spiked the eggnog with Everclear, in the hope that at least a few of you would pass out face-first in your plates. Santa’s helpers are standing by at EMS.” “Sinterklass has a helper called Zwarte Piet who wears blackface and carries bad children away in a sack. The Dutch claim this isn’t racist. I’ve invited Megyn Kelly to come over this evening and discuss the subject. She’ll be bringing her own sack.” “Zwarte Piet also carries a broom to spank naughty children. In Norway, they hide their brooms at Yuletide, not just for the sake of the kids, but because legend has it that witches and warlocks come out on Christmas Eve looking for brooms to ride on. I’ve gathered every broom I could find in the house and left them in the front hall in case anyone would like to go for a spin.”
“One of the miracles that St. Nicholas performed was the resurrection of three little children killed by an evil butcher who cured their meat and claimed it was pork. Pass the ham.” “ St. Nicholas is also the patron saint of pawnbrokers, just in case someone had to go into hock to buy me the matching set of Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer socks, necktie, and pocket square. You know who you are .” “ Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer was created in 1939 for a Montgomery Ward Christmas promotional coloring book. The character was originally rejected by the department store’s executives because red noses were associated with alcoholism. Did Rudolph ever get so drunk that he guided Santa to any of your houses?” “ We call St. Nick ‘Santa Claus’ because we get many of our Christmas traditions from the New Amsterdam Dutch. The way the Dutch pronounce ‘St. Nicholas’ is Sinterklass. And
Special Holiday Inclusiveness Note My apologies for limiting the trivia to Christmas. But far be it from me to practice “cultural appropriation” in these sensitive times. You readers who are hosting alternative celebrations with the “welcome just once a year, please” kith and kin will have to research subject-changing trivia of your own. Best wishes (and you’ll need them) to all on: Hanukkah (December 2-10) Kwanzaa (December 26-January 1)
Winter Solstice (December 21) Festivus (December 23, and not, by the way, a “Seinfeld” invention but the 1966 brainchild of Reader’s Digest editor Daniel O’Keefe. So “No soup for you,” Jerry, Elaine, George, and Kramer.)
Eid al-Fitr (June 4, marks the end of Ramadan) Gita Jayanti (December 18, commemorating the revelation of the Bhagavad Gita) Bodhi Day (December 8, the day the Buddha experienced enlightenment)
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December 2018
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