“ That’s the time to cultivate” , replied the wise father. “ Cultivate before you can see the weeds” . The best tune to begin to train children is before there is any disobedience or misconduct to rebuke. Then they leam the right more readily because they have not to unlearn the wrong. As soon as the child can under stand the instructions that his father or mother gives him, he should be expected to obey them. This means that punishment will seldom need to be given. Are children fond of only those parents who allow them to do as they please? Certainly not. A child does not resent parental discipline as long as he feels the father’s love. This fact is well brought out in one of the entries in a letter-writing contest in which the subject was: “Why I love my Dad” . One little girl addressed her father in these terms: “You share your time with me and when I’m bad, you punish me. I don’t like that, but in my heart I know you are right and I still love you” . Writing to one of the editors of a secular magazine, a teen-ager had this to say: “When I was fourteen years old, I was left the housework and cooking to do while my parents both worked. Every night I kept slacking up. My two little sisters, aged ten and twelve years, did the work for me. Dad threatened to spank me but to-no avail. Then one day he made good his threat. That’s all I needed. Now I run a cafe and do all the work myself at the age of eighteen, and I give that spanking most of the credit” . The disciplined child has a stronger character than one who is not. The children and youth of today are fighting tremendous battles. They need all the help we parents can give them to stand up to the temptations they face. It is only the disciplined child who will be victorious. We have this encouragement from the Bible: “ Correct thy son, and he shall give thee rest; yea, he shall give delight unto thy soul” (Prov. 29:17). A seven-year-old lad went to visit his aunt in a dis tant city. He became acquainted with some boys in the neighborhood, and spent much of his time playing with them. One day, his new friends decided to do some thing that his father had taught him not to do. He with drew from the group. One boy called after him: “What’s the matter, are you afraid?” “Yes” , the boy answered, “ I’m afraid of my father” . “ Aw, he’s miles away; he won’t know,” one of the other boys replied. “ I know that,” he replied, “ but my father has always been good to me, and I don’t want to do what I know would hurt his feel ings.” They said no more. Possibly they felt condemned for not feeling the same way toward their fathers. The country sorely needs homes where discipline is its very foundation. Christian homes must set the exam ple. Every child has a capacity for good and by our care ful training and restraint we help to develop the more noble qualities of character. We have this great promise from God. “ Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it” (Prov. 22:6). The retiring headmaster of Northcote Intermediate School, (New Zealand), Mr. T. A. Murphy, gave this advice to parents: “ Be master in the home; demand obed ience; insist that the child accepts and bears its full share of responsibility in the home; teach the child to trust in the mercy of God, to say its prayers, and to attend church on Sundays; say grace at meals; and set a good example in speech and conduct.” We train our dogs with great care. They are taught to be well-behaved in the house and to be obedient to every command. We cannot do less for our children. As parents we have a great responsibility and by the grace of God we shall not fail.
It is even worse in spiritual matters. The child is be ing led to believe that God the Father in Heaven is like his human father. Both will promise what they will not fulfill and will threaten, but will not punish even though the circumstances demand i't. These words come home to us as a sharp reminder: “ He that spareth his rod hateth his son” (Prov. 13:24). A child must be trained and it is in the home that this training must take place for this is the easiest and best place to learn it. It is there that the child first learns to obey and to respect authority. Society is based on laws and no civilized country can function without obedience to them. If then a child does not leam to be obedient at home, he will have to leam it at school. If that fails, then he will leam it in a prison! Love for the child is the ruling force in our train ing. We read: “He that loveth him chasteneth him be times” (Prov. 13:24). This means that the punishment will never be cruel. In an extreme case, it may need to be severe, but it will never be done in a fit of temper. Further, the punishment will never be arbitrary. The child will know exactly why he is being punished. An offence which needs punishment today will need it tomorrow. He will know that an action will be punished and not smiled upon one day and frowned up on the next. As the punishment is being meted out in love, it will never be excessive. It will indeed be the least possible for the offence under consideration that will effectively keep the child from further offences. It must be strong enough to restrain, but never more than that. It is thought by some that any form of restraint will produce serious results to the child. There will be inhi bitions and maladjustments. But discipline when rightly administered does not have those results. Not only is dis cipline not harmful to a child; it is beneficial. Psycholo gists have realized that it is the disciplined child that is the best child. One of the essential needs of a child throughout his years of childhood is a sense of security. Children feel this security as they realize that they will not be al lowed to go outside the fences. They will understand that the fences have been put there for their good, because outside of those fences there is danger. Even non-Chris tian psychologists understand that it is the child who is properly trained who has this security. The striking fact is that teen-agers look for this guid ance. One fifteen-year-old girl was left to decide for herself on some important issue. She said to her mother rather reproachfully: “ It is your job to tell us what to do” . The child who knows no such fences is the one who feels insecure and unloved. The child who is assured that his parents know better than he does on some matters is more secure than a child who is left to his own devices/ Discipline learned in the home is the best form of preparation to meet the issues and conflicts of life. It is certainly the best way to prepare for a happy and useful Christian life. As Christians, we are to obey the laws of God and, having learned to obey our parents, obedience to God’s laws does not come so hard to us. Further, as Christians, we are called upon to sur render our wills to the Lord. Indeed, it is one of the basic principles of the Christian faith that our wills “ are ours to make them God’s.” It seldom comes easy to do this, but it is certainly easier to surrender our wills and plans to the Lord when we have earlier learned to surrender them to our parents. The sooner we leam any lesson, the more easily it is learned. When should we begin to train our children? A farm er and. his son were cultivating a field. “Why are we doing this?” asked the son. “ I don’t see any weeds” .
NOVEMBER, 1962
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