C ASA B ONITA , FROM PAGE 21
just stand in the line ), but because, if you’re chock full of edibles and other inebriants, you’re going to just worry about it the whole time. Premium? You lucky mofo. Go the other way around the fountain. Either way, they will finger your bags and pat you down. Don't bring anything stanky. PREMIUM SEATING - By the way, this ain’t the cafeteria anymore, kids. No more carrying cockroach-laden trays through a maze! You’ll be escorted to your table, with menus . We were shown to the best seats in the house, a long table in its own alcove, perched above the entrance to Sorcero’s ruins. And why not shell out extra for some dinner theater? It used be luck of the draw (or maybe you were supposed to slip the host a $50). If you were lucky enough to get seated near the waterfall, great, you won the lottery! Now, they let you just pay extra for it. But the catharsis is better than thera- py. You've waited your whole life. And come’on, there’s no replacement for being right there for the full 60-second div- ing shows every 10-15 minutes (otherwise it’s like waiting for Old Faithful, but if you do grab a drink and cabana next to the pool).
ORDERING THE FOOD - The flag up means they’ll come to your table and take your order. This is a delicate situation. Kind of like the boy who cried wolf meets the boy who got eaten by one. The goal here is to keep the flag up the whole time . Make them work for it. The problem is, you'll have to figure out some- thing to “need” every time they stop at your table, if they actually come by. Oth- erwise they may ignore your flag . See? A delicate balance . Then again if you’re not raising it until you need something, chances are you’re gonna wait like a motha. Just like a McD's, where you know how stoned they are and likely to fuck up your order, you don’t pull away from the drive-th- ru window until you’ve checked the bag for your sweet & sour sauce. The same principle applies: When they bring you your plate, double and triple check that you have every tortilla and all additional accoutrements because you will likely not see any employee for a half hour after this point. You may (gulp) actually have to go find one of the floating hosts. And depending on where you sit, and how much hash you ate, expect to get lost.
108 MAY/JUNE 2026
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