Panic and the Pandemic: No One Knows What They’re Doing
We’re all just doing the best we can. The pieces we broke in our past that we’ve swept under many rugs have now resurfaced in present day, baring their teeth and reminding us of our own mortality. This pandemic is waking up every demon within us. They are comfortably taking up seats at our dinner tables, eating when we eat, and lying next to us as we desperately try to fall asleep. As I respond to work emails (while thanking God that I still have a job), I wonder if the exclamation points that are peppered in the emails of my colleagues are just as hollow as the ones I type in my responses. I am aware that I am functioning through a depression right now and that the world around me is doing the same. It is an odd unity, one that manifests itself in different ways to different people, hitting some much, much harder than others. Tonight, there will be members of families taking turns having dinner. There are people masking symptoms to avoid taking a sick day because as essential workers, this is the only option they have and they cannot afford to lose their jobs. People are being buried without religious services or even their loved ones to see them lowered into the ground because this virus fears nothing and spares no one. There is evidence all around us of physical fear; tangible things to be afraid of that are even more pressing to some people than the virus. Now it’s about survival. And for millions, just surviving is their ultimate goal. Having the freedom to choose to work for that revenge body or to write that award- winning novel is a luxury, but it is definitely not an indicator of a successful time in quarantine. With every hour I count down, with every smile I force when thanking the cashier at the market, I am reminded that this pandemic is making people ill in more ways than one. The panic and fear spread by this virus is affecting our bodies even before we get hit with an infection. At some point, I found
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