myself wondering if it would be best to just get the virus and recover from it, so at least uncertainty would be one of the emotions removed from the Ferris wheel of anxiety churning in my head. But almost as quickly as I have this thought, I banish it, scared of its implications, of what it would mean for me to be sick, not just for my own health, but for every person I come into contact with. I can’t be responsible for someone else’s suffering and so I must be okay with the uncertainty. I must be okay with sitting in my apartment, day after day, playing ping-pong with my depression as we both wait for the sun to rise and set. The mental battle of this pandemic is not just an afterthought. It can’t be. There’s nothing else to distract us. We were made victors before in this battle, but the circumstances now are different. The army against us has more soldiers and our only ally is also our greatest enemy: our minds. Not knowing how to navigate our feelings at this time is the only solace I have right now. I am trying to be okay with not knowing what the correct way is to react to a highly stressful situation and I don’t know if there’s anyone out there with the right answer. But whichever way stress and fear and panic and depression manifests in you at this time, that is the way your body is letting you know that it is simply trying to survive. A virus that can lay dormant in our systems while quietly infecting those around us is something we never really considered but has disrupted every aspect of our lives, turning our homes into prisons and causing us to doubt the air we breathe. This is a trauma that we need to heal from because we have now lost trust in things we once took for granted. Right now, there is nothingmore you can do than what you’re doing. If you are struggling emotionally but not financially, seek a person struggling financially and offer a hand. If you have nothing to give, give your time to someone who might need to be listened to. Souls die before bodies do and we all need to take part in healing ourselves while healing others. We just have to do the best we can. Sumaya Attia startedwritingprofessionally 10 yearsago, thoughshehasbeen a writer at heart since she was a child. She documents her life’s experiences through literature. Sumaya currently works in the media and communications department for a think tank in Qatar.
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