Truth without Trimmings — Olivia Montclair
Help! Olivia,
Friends suggest I’ve “given up.” Others assume I must be lonely, even when I tell them I’m not. There’s a persistent belief that I’ve simply removed myself from the possibility of happiness, rather than arrived at my own version of it. What I struggle with is not my decision, but the way it’s perceived. As though choosing not to participate in the dating world must mean some- thing is wrong, rather than something has been learned.
I’ve been married twice, and neither experience left me eager to try for a third.
Both marriages taught me a great deal, mostly about what I don’t want. After my second divorce, I did what everyone insists you should do. I put myself back out there. I dated. I gave it a fair chance. What I found, how- ever, was not exactly encouraging. The men I met often came with issues I no longer have the patience for, excessive drinking, unstable finances, or a level of emotional immaturity that felt more like something to manage than a partnership to enjoy. At some point, I made a decision that felt both practical and liberating. I stepped away from dating entirely. Instead, I turned my focus inward. I’ve invested in my mental clarity, my physical health, and my spiritual well-being. I’ve built a life that feels bal- anced, peaceful, and genuinely fulfilling. There’s no chaos to manage, no compromises I resent, no sense that I’m waiting for something else to begin.
How do I stand firmly in a choice that feels right for me?
— At Peace, But Questioned
Dear At Peace, But Questioned,
There is a difference between stepping away and giving up, and it’s one that many people are either unwilling or unable to recognize. Giving up has a tone of defeat to it. It suggests resignation, dis- appointment, a quiet sense that something didn’t work out the way it should have. What you’ve de- scribed is something else entirely. You evaluated your experiences, you paid attention to patterns, and you made a conscious decision about what
And yet, despite how intentional and considered this choice has been, I’m still met with skepti- cism.
Contentment without partnership confuses people who were promised it as the reward. — Olivia Montclair
Continued On 13A
Vol. 646 YA 11A
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