“Sir, a cat cannot serve as your companion.” “ at sounds discriminatory.” “It is hospital policy.” “Then you have left me with no al- ternative. If you will not permit me to Uber home, you shall have to consider me a permanent resident of the hospi- tal. I’ll require a private room, decent linens and somewhere to store a case of Bordeaux.” She began to say something about insurance. “I should also warn you that I dislike fluorescent lighting, lukewarm coffee and televisions mounted too close to the ceiling.”
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She hung up.
I have not yet scheduled the colo- noscopy. The medical establishment may consider this a failure of patient compliance, but I consider it an unre- solved transportation dispute. My cat remains available, Uber remains will- ing, and I am prepared to move into the hospital indefinitely if necessary. I simply hope they understand that permanent residency includes valet parking.
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