Dulwich Despatch
Page 26
thegrauniad Secret Teacher
September 14, 2014
By Anonymous
again damned by ‘protocol’ which says that I, the teacher, must attend an evening, when I could be watching The Weakest Link and drinking homemade cabbage soup, where all I hear is “my precious Bert (let’s call him) deserves more than a “D” or “Ernie” (for example) comes home traumatized on the days he has you teaching him”. I simply want to say “Because I can.” Or, “He’s traumatized because he has you as parents.” But once again ‘protocol’ is in my way—offending parents is blasphemy in the teaching world.
My job as a teacher is very much based around protocol I’m told “don’t raise your
hand to a child this” and “don’t verbally abuse trainee teachers that” but without a
doubt, the most annoying bit of
‘protocol’ to follow is maintaining a fair and neutral standpoint at all times. For example, if there is a disagreement between the class jester who shows blatant disrespect to me and my colleagues most of the time, and my absolute dearest pet pupil who leaves a shiny red apple on my desk every morning and I am in the uncomfortable position of deciding who is to blame and who to punish; ‘protocol’ says I should listen to both sides of the story before making a decision. But in my head my mind is already made up. Even though 9 times out of 10 the red apple pet has been sucking up to me the whole term just to be able to get away with exactly this sort of offence! When teaching there are many pitfalls, social events are the worst for me, Parents’ Evening in particular. I am once
So my advice to you is to avoid becoming a teacher if possible, if not, learn to like cabbage soup! (A parody of the Guardian Secret Teacher blog where teachers tell it like it really is.)
Gabriel Rahman, 8S
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