Truth Bombs I believe addiction is addiction, in whatever form or level. People drink, that is what they do. If they are not homeless on the streets, they do not have a problem according to society... I have felt stigmatised and judged. That is why I hide and lied about the extent of my drinking. To prove I did not have a problem. And it worked, my people would sigh in relief: “she stopped again”, “ she is ok now”.
All of this was somewhat unspoken.
I never discussed it honestly with my family and friends. I still don’t. It makes them uncomfortable. And then when they realized I was in fact drinking again, it would start all over again: the hiding, the lying, the isolation. I did feel like an alcoholic, a screw-up, a failure. So I hide. Being an over-drinker is perceived in my circle as a moral shortcoming . A lack of discipline. A character flaw. An absence of willpower. The few people I have told I stopped drinking go completely mute. End of conversation. No questions, no applause. Nothing. It is what I am supposed to do: get rid of that moral and behavioral abnormality and continue with my life. Something similar happens with my weight. I lose weight and that is what I am supposed to do. Get rid of another abnormality that is a couple of extra pounds, address the lack of willpower and go on with my life as virtuous people do . I do not know if this is the experience of other women. But if it is and I can help them understand that, if they are surrounded by people or in a culture so fucked-up and unsupportive, even hypocritical, obsessed with perfection , we can reframe our history, we can forgive ourselves, we can see we are not hopeless, we can acknowledge this is part of our life story and there is no shame at all in facing it and dealing with it with compassion and self-love.
A.C.
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