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THE REAL PROBLEM IN MANY MARRIAGES HOW BETTER COMMUNICATION CAN STRENGTHEN AND SOMETIMES SAVE RELATIONSHIPS
Communication is at the heart of every relationship, yet it is also one of the most common struggles couples face. In fact, “we have trouble communicating” is one of the most frequent concerns raised in therapy, and research consistently shows that the quality of communication directly impacts relationship satisfaction. At Bruce Law Firm, we see this every day. Many marriages don’t fail because of a lack of love; they struggle because what one person says is not truly heard by the other. Imagine this: A husband says, “I feel like I’m doing everything around the house.” His wife hears, “You’re not doing enough.” She becomes defensive. He feels unheard. The conversation escalates, not because of the issue itself, but because of how it was communicated and received. This is incredibly common. June is Effective Communications Month, and sometimes improving how we speak to each other, as partners or even parents, can actually save a relationship. Communication is not just about speaking; it’s about understanding. Strong communication is not about talking more; it’s about talking better and truly listening.
• Active listening: truly hearing the other person, not just waiting to respond • Asking for clarification instead of making assumptions • Using “I” statements instead of blame • Validating emotions, even when you disagree • Choosing the right time to have difficult conversations Couples who practice attentive listening and empathy are significantly more likely to have lasting, satisfying relationships. In any partnership, stressors and challenges will arise, and couples who can talk about them in a healthy way can get through them together. Sometimes, misunderstandings are bound to happen, but they don’t have to snowball into a conflict. At home, Christopher and Ashley work on communication every day, not just with each other, but also with their children. If something is unclear, they ask questions. If something doesn’t make sense, they don’t assume; instead, they clarify. Sometimes, getting to the root of an issue with their children can feel like a deposition. But by breaking things down and asking thoughtful questions, they are able to truly understand what their children are saying and why. That same principle applies in marriage: If we slow down, ask questions, and really listen, we often find that the issue is not what we first thought. During consultations, we often ask potential clients an important question: “Is there a possibility that better communication and truly listening could improve this marriage?” If the answer is yes, we will often recommend working with a therapist first. Through our website, StayMarriedFlorida.com, and our YouTube channel, Divorce Answers for Women, we regularly feature therapists and professionals who offer tools to improve communication, emotional resilience, and relationships. Communication is not just about being heard; it’s about making sure the other person feels understood. And sometimes, that simple shift can change everything. –Ashley and Christopher Bruce
Research and therapy-based approaches consistently highlight a few key skills crucial to effective communication:
Communication is key in maintaining a marriage.
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Stamp Scandal and Starlet Strife INSIDE FIERCE CELEBRITY FEUDS
WHEN CONVERSATIONS GET TOUGH
TOOLS FOR HEALTHIER RELATIONSHIP TALKS
If you think today’s celebrity gossip is crazy, these tales of tantrums from the famous make our current news feeds seem tame by comparison!
MARK TWAIN’S MAILROOM MELTDOWN In 2011, late literary giant Mark Twain received the posthumous honor of being the subject of a commemorative postage stamp by the U.S. Postal Service. While Twain’s legendary status in American culture made him an ideal candidate for the tribute, these events likely would have made him turn in his grave. You see, Twain absolutely despised the Postal Service. For decades, he railed against the institution publicly in newspaper columns, criticizing it for everything, from high costs to consumers to what he perceived as outrageously egregious regulations. He once even expressed his indignation over the Postal Service’s decision to require a street address and state on outgoing mail in addition to the previously required name and city. Why? He thought adding these words was a waste of time and ink! As he wrote in a letter to the Hartford Courant in 1897, “Isn’t it odd that we should take a spasm, every now and then, and go spinning back into the dark ages once more, after having put in a world of time and money and work toiling up into the high lights of modern progress?” Beautifully written? Unquestionably. A tad overdramatic as a response to a minor rule change for mailing letters? Perhaps, but what else could one expect when earning the ire of one of history’s most celebrated wordsmiths? RUTHLESS GLAMOUR GIRLS Few celebrity feuds have ever been as intense as the fiery conflict between screen legends Bette Davis and Joan Crawford. The two women were savage competitors for decades, sparring over everything from public attention to lovers. Just as a massive press campaign launched in support of Davis’ 1933 film “Ex-Lady,” Crawford made headlines by announcing her divorce from Douglas Fairbanks Jr. The focus on Crawford’s failed marriage tanked Davis’ film, which received minuscule media attention compared to Crawford’s gossip-generating announcement. Two years later, Davis fell in love with actor Franchot Tone on the set of the film “Dangerous.” Unfortunately, Tone soon directed his affection toward another famous lady. Any guess as to whom?
Some of the most important conversations in life can also be the hardest, especially when emotions are already running high. When you talk to a romantic partner or an ex you are co-parenting with, meaningful discussions can often spiral into an argument. Through active listening, empathy, and recognizing our own emotions in the moment, we can go into these talks better prepared for a positive outcome.
ACTIVE LISTENING In our recent interview with Jessica Jeans, a marriage and family therapist and owner of Guided by Grace, she said that in any conversation, there is a giver and a receiver. One person holds space for the other so they can express their emotions fully and feel heard. One key to navigating difficult conversations is using those active listening skills. This means trying to put yourself in the other person’s shoes, being present, and asking how you can support them rather than jumping to “fix” the problem. Both people should get a turn to share and to listen. DEALING WITH THE EMOTIONS It’s normal to feel emotions as we talk things out; in fact, we are hardwired to, often going into fight-or-flight mode, which triggers a physiological response. Instead of stuffing those feelings down, we need to understand them, address them, and communicate them with the right vocabulary. We all have needs, and our anger or sadness might actually stem from a sense of loss or feeling stuck. The more clearly you can identify to your partner what you feel and what you need, the better they can offer the right support. You may be seeking safety, comfort, or just to know they are paying attention. TALKING TIPS In the moment, as you’re giving someone the space to express themselves, it can feel challenging not to interrupt or feel overwhelmed by your emotions as they come. Remember to breathe, which can help regulate your own nervous system. It can be helpful to have a notebook so you can jot things down to return to after the other person finishes speaking. Set some boundaries before the conversation even begins, like how much time you have available.
“She took him from me,” Davis reportedly said in an interview more than 50 years later. “She did it coldly, deliberately, and with complete ruthlessness.”
In the end, the only thing longer than these ladies’ on-screen highlights was their off- screen resentment.
Is your friend or client married to a controlling, manipulative, narcissistic husband?
OUR BOOKS CAN HELP!
The book can be downloaded for FREE at DivorceInformationBooks.com
If you want to hear more tips on better communication with your partner, visit StayMarriedFlorida.com .
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COUNSELING THAT REBUILDS CONNECTION FIX THE PATTERN, NOT THE PERSON
Every relationship goes through its fair share of difficult times, and even the most loving marriages can face struggles when communication feels off. It’s not always a sign that the connection is broken beyond repair. It just may mean you need extra support and some tools to help you both express yourselves more effectively. Counseling, even for couples who are not considering divorce, can offer a space to feel heard, understood, and on your way back to each other. A professional can help couples move toward more honest conversations and offer new perspectives for change. SOLUTIONS, NOT SHOUTING MATCHES A therapist can teach couples how to work through disputes for real solutions rather than getting stuck in the same negative patterns. They will be able to identify underlying emotions, triggers, and unspoken needs that may be causing conflicts to erupt. Sometimes, the reasons arguments are happening aren’t clear in the moment, and a counselor can help pinpoint what problems actually need to be addressed. Therapy provides techniques to resolve conflicts with a growth mindset. DEEPER UNDERSTANDING, DEEPER CONNECTION Both people in a relationship contribute to the quality of the relationship. Sometimes, especially if resentment or distance has already formed, it’s hard to see where your partner is coming from. A counselor will help you understand each other’s differences and the role each of you plays in the problems that are going on. When couples are willing to openly express their needs and emotions, it can help repair intimacy and trust.
A BETTER VOCABULARY, STRONGER RESULTS One of the biggest things a counselor can help a couple do is build better communication skills together. We often speak from our emotions, and while we should share how we feel, we don’t always recognize how we are saying it. Therapists listen and ask questions to guide the discussion and ultimately ensure no one gets into the blame game or goes into defensive mode. They can point out habits that are getting in the way, such as eye-rolling or “I” statements. At Bruce Law Firm, we know that counselors can help save a marriage on the brink. If you are considering therapy, visit our website, StayMarriedFlorida.com , for a directory of local professionals and more resources on counseling.
GRILLED WHOLE CHICKEN AND VEGETABLES
INGREDIENTS •
1 whole chicken 1 lemon, halved
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3 bell peppers, quartered
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1 zucchini, sliced
Bruce Family visits Ashley’s Undergraduate College
The Bruce Family at the Rodeo
2 tsp onion powder
1 summer squash, sliced 2 red onions, quartered
Salt and pepper, to taste
Extra-virgin olive oil
DIRECTIONS 1.
Turn the grill on high heat.
2. Using kitchen shears, cut along both sides of the chicken’s backbone and remove it. 3. Turn the chicken over on a baking sheet and press it flat. 4. Squeeze the lemon over the chicken and season with onion powder, salt, and pepper. 5. Brush the chicken and grill grates with olive oil. 6. Place the chicken skin-side down onto the grill. 7. Grill for 12–15 minutes until charred. Flip the chicken and grill for 25–30 minutes. Flip it again and let it cook fully before removing from the grill and letting it rest. 8. Season the vegetables with salt and pepper, then brush them with olive oil. 9. Grill the vegetables for 6–7 minutes, until tender. Enjoy!
We won the stall decorating contest at a local horse show!
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PRST STD US POSTAGE PAID BOISE, ID PERMIT 411
1601 Forum Pl. Ste. 1101 West Palm Beach, FL 33401
From Conflict to Connection page 1
Famous Spats That Shook History
Listen First, React Later page 2
Skills You Gain in Couples Therapy
Grilled Whole Chicken and Vegetables page 3
Safer Ways to Work With Creditors page 4
SEPARATING REAL HELP FROM RISKY SCHEMES THE TRUTH BEHIND ‘DEBT RELIEF’ ADS
When every bill feels like a fire drill, it’s hard to think straight about money. For some people, the situation can make debt relief ads tempting. The problem is that the phrase “debt relief” can mean a wide variety of things. Some options are legitimate and tightly regulated. Others are scams with good marketing. Before you agree to anything, you need to know what you’re signing. Most of the time, debt relief companies don’t give you a loan. They offer to negotiate with your creditors, typically for credit cards, medical bills, and other unsecured debts. In many programs, you stop paying your creditors and instead send money into a separate account. Once that account hits a certain amount, the company uses it to make lump-sum settlement offers. That approach can sometimes lower what you owe, but it’s risky. While you aren’t paying, late fees and interest keep adding up. Your credit score can take a big hit, and there is always the chance a creditor will
sue instead of settling. Because of those risks, debt settlement should be considered a last-step option.
to make a hard situation worse by working with the wrong company. A quick call to a trusted counselor, financial advisor, or attorney can help you choose a plan that protects you over the long term.
Working with a nonprofit credit counseling agency is a much safer option. They start by reviewing your budget and explaining the options available to you. In some cases, these agencies can set up a debt management plan with a lower interest rate while keeping you in good standing with your creditors. If you do talk with a for-profit debt relief provider, tread carefully. Avoid working with any company that guarantees it can wipe out a certain amount of debt or claims it’s operating under a “new government program.” Be very cautious if anyone tells you to stop talking to your creditors or to ignore their letters and calls. A company that charges upfront fees or refuses to explain its costs in writing should also raise red flags.
Struggling with debt while bills keep piling up is a tough spot for anyone to be in, but you don’t want
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