Wives, you know this; if you have to nag and manipulate your husband into doing something romantic, it never satisfies your heart, does it? Because you know if you hadn’t pushed and manipulated, he wouldn’t have done it. It doesn’t work. Or, how about guilt? A husband will say to his wife, “I remember when I was a happy man. It was before we got married. I have got to be honest, honey; I think back on those golden, simple single days and I think, ‘What have I done? What have I done? What-have-I-done?’” You see…threat, manipulation, and guilt are an attempt to change the character of this significant, human relationship without dealing with the heart. It’s a brilliant illustration; because if your marriage is constantly producing, in the little moments of marriage, bad fruit—anger, irritation, impatience, judgment, criticism, needless competition, battles for power and control, putdowns, negativity, physical and emotional abuse, threats, if any of that is going on, if you’re producing that fruit, then something is wrong at the heart level; something’s wrong at the root level. That’s the illustration of Jesus. It’s very, very humbling--because I want to think that it’s not me. Let me give you an illustration outside of marriage; you’ll be able to relate to this very easily. Pretend with me that you’re sitting in mind-numbing…’this highway is supposed to be an expressway and is now a parking-lot traffic,’ and you’re pounding on the dash—“This traffic makes me so angry.” Now, what’s the theology there? The theology is that I would be an otherwise un-angry person if it weren’t for this traffic---except…you look out the window at the car that’s in the lane next to you, and there is a woman driving, and she’s got her makeup kit open; she’s got a big smile on her face; she’s putting on her lips; she’s not angry at all. She’s thinking, “God must love me because He’s given me a few more moments to reach a higher level of gorgeousness before I face my day.” Now, stay with me; these two people are in the exact same situation. They’re in the exact same environment; they’re dealing with the exact same traffic, but they don’t have the same reaction. If the traffic was the reason for the anger, everybody in the traffic would be similarly angry, but they’re not. The man driving is going to a very significant sales appointment that he thinks will change his life, and he can’t believe that other human beings have the audacity to be in front of him. And the woman, that morning, just wants to be beautiful—that’s what’s ruling her heart. And she’s just thankful for a little more time to work on the canvas. You see, the fact of the matter is, those two reactions, stay with me here, are caused by what the people have brought to the traffic in their hearts. Do you get it? The man has something in his heart that produces, in that situation, spontaneous rage. And the woman has something in her heart that produces, in her thankfulness… Exact same situation, but different hearts in the middle of the situation. We just don’t respond and interpret life the same way because of our hearts. I’ll go to a movie with Luella, one of her movies. And in the middle of the movie, I hear Luella doing this, “Sniff, sniff, sniff; sniff, sniff, sniff; sniff, sniff, sniff.” She hasn’t caught a cold; she’s having an emotional reaction to the film. About then, I’m thinking, “These are the best raisinets ever.” I can’t wait till the film is over so I can find the manager of this theater to find the source for these raisinets because I need these raisinets in my life. We come out of the film, and Luella says, “Oh, Paul, wasn’t that a wonderful film?” I say, “Did you taste the raisinets?” Two people in the very same situation, dramatically different reactions! Now, there are three very important implications for your marriage from this passage; I want to get to give them to you. Now, we’re right on top of marriage. Here’s the first one. All marriage problems are heart problems. All marriage problems are heart problems. They’re not just problems of gender; they’re not just problems of culture; they’re not just problems of finances; they’re not just problems of schedule; they’re not just problems of taste; they’re not just problems of sex; they’re not just problems of parenting. God knew that we’d be dealing with all of that stuff in our marriage. Those are not the cause of marriage problems. Hear what I am about to say, “Those are the place where marriage problems reveal themselves.” All marriage problems are heart problems. There are couples who deal with all of those things and don’t have problems. You don’t solve marriage problems by negotiating role, and negotiating communication, and all those kinds of things because,
Transcript: Session 2
WHAT DID YOU EXPECT?
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