turned Johnny’s chair toward her; she knelt down in front of him; she looked him face-to-face, and she waxed theological. She said this, “Johnny, I want you to hear what I’m about to say, ‘It’s not your party.’” Wives, look at me. Ladies, it will never be about you because you’ve been born into a world that, by its very nature, is a celebration of another. And if you make it about you, you’re never on a pathway of unity, and love, and understanding; you’re never on the pathway of happiness, and contentment, and joy. You are on a pathway of division, and anger, and hurt, and disappointment. It gets so big at some point you say, “This is too hurtful; I don’t want to do this anymore!” Guys, it will never be about you because you’ve been born into a world that, by its very nature, is a celebration of another. And if you make it about you, you’ll be angry, and impatient, and disappointed, and hurt, and you’ll back away, and you’ll live in coldness. How many marriages live in a state of marital detente? The sweetness and the closeness are gone. Oh yeah, you’re still married, but you’re actually into an anti-relationship way of having a relationship--how tragic! How tragic! You see, it is really true that my biggest problem is inside of me, not outside of me. We can make this relationship so uncomfortable; we can be so impatient; we can be so easily irritated. You appoint yourself to be the grammar police, the poor other person can’t talk without you correcting them—“No, that’s not the way that word is said, this is the way that word is said.” You appoint yourself as the history police—“No, that’s not how it happened; you always mix up these stories. You interrupt the person; you always have to tell the story yourself.” I was counseling a couple, and they had some young children; and the mom, at that point, was a stay-at- home mom; and the father was a workaday dad; and she had made for him, that evening, hamburgers and french fries – he loved that meal—simple, simple taste this man. There’s tension in their marriage. And she inadvertently put an empty ketchup bottle on the table, and he picked up that empty bottle and held it in front of her and said, “And what do expect me to do with this?” She told him. Or sometimes, you’re so prickly and impatient; the other person can’t even serve you without criticism. I have an eye condition--my eyes don’t shift between the light and darkness very well at night, and so it’s dangerous for me to drive. Luella has said she’s willing to drive for us. We live in Philadelphia, and one night we were going out on an agreed-upon destination; Luella was driving. We get to a light where I would have turned, and she goes straight. I can’t leave that alone. I say, “Where are you going?” She says, “This is the way I go.” I said, “I think it’s the wrong way. You know the shortest distance between two points is a straight line.” She says, “That’s why I didn’t turn.” She says, “You know Paul, I don’t really think it’s a matter right and wrong; I think it’s a matter of preference.” (That makes sense, doesn’t it?) I can’t leave that alone. I say, “What if my preference is right?” She says, “Paul, why don’t we do this--when you drive, you choose the directions; when I drive, I’ll choose the directions. (That’s a good solution.) I can’t leave that alone, and so I say, “Luella, if we were in a helicopter right now, and we were flying over the city of Philadelphia, and we would swoop down on this location, you would know that my way is the right way!” Luella looks at me and says, “Paul Tripp, I don’t think a helicopter is what you need right now!” Now, you can make such a big deal of little deals. You go into the bathroom, and there’s a wet towel on the floor. There probably shouldn’t be a wet towel on the floor, but you say, “I can’t believe it! I can’t believe that he put a wet towel on the floor! He just dropped it on the floor! If he loved me, there would never be wet towels on the floor. He just drops them! My dad was a dropper. I told myself I’d never marry a dropper, but I have.” You see, your problem is not just that you have a sloppy husband. Your problem is you’re full of yourself; and if you make war over that, you’ll never get a chance to get at the real significant things in your marriage.
Transcript: Session 3
WHAT DID YOU EXPECT?
45
Made with FlippingBook - Online catalogs