Or one of you is driving, and the other one says, “You drive jerky. Why do you have to drive so jerky? No one else drives jerky--look at them, they’re going, ‘Hmmmmmmm.’ We never go, ‘Hmmmmmmm.’ We’re always jerking; I have to take Dramamine just to drive with you.” Or, you fight over significant things like…which way the flap of the toilet paper is supposed to go--against the wall or upfront? There are people voting right now! We’re crazy! I gave this illustration one weekend; at the end of Friday night, a man ran after me, grabbed me, and he said, “I’ve got to tell you a story.” He says, “My wife and I got into such a fight over the flap of the toilet paper that I called Charmin and asked for a customer representative to finally solve the problem for us.” Or, you say to your spouse, “Do you know how many times I sit down to go, and I look over, and the toilet paper roll is empty? Do you know how many times that I have to walk down the hallway like this (mimicking walking)? If you loved me. . .“ (See, I get why we laugh--because I sort of do these things humorously, but hear me.) What I’ve described to you is incredibly sad. It sucks the sweetness out of marriage. It sucks the closeness out of marriage. I’m walking on egg shells--I wonder when the next time you’re going to criticize something that I say and something I do; or yell at me because I’m three minutes late; or get impatient with me because I don’t happen to agree with you? That ‘me-ism’ means that we’re hammering at one another; and we hammer the beauty out of this gorgeous relationship; and this place that is supposed to be a place of safety, and healing, and growth, and love becomes a place of hurt and danger. We do that to us because I’m not so much loving you; what I have is a set of rules for you, and you keep my self-oriented little rules, and I’ll be nice to you; but you get in the way of my rules, and I’m going to strike back in some way. I’m going to say a mean thing; I’m going to curse you with silence; I’m going to slam a door and walk down the hallway; I’m going to throw up in your face how hard it is to live with a person like you because it’s my wants, my needs, my feelings. SESSION 4 Or, you fight over significant things like…which way the flap of the toilet paper is supposed to go--against the wall or upfront? There are people voting right now! We’re crazy! I gave this illustration one weekend; at the end of Friday night, a man ran after me, grabbed me, and he said, “I’ve got to tell you a story.” He says, “My wife and I got into such a fight over the flap of the toilet paper that I called Charmin and asked for a customer representative to finally solve the problem for us.” Or, you say to your spouse, “Do you know how many times I sit down to go, and I look over, and the toilet paper roll is empty? Do you know how many times that I have to walk down the hallway like this (mimicking walking)? If you loved me. . .“ (See, I get why we laugh--because I sort of do these things humorously, but hear me.) What I’ve described to you is incredibly sad. It sucks the sweetness out of marriage. It sucks the closeness out of marriage. I’m walking on egg shells--I wonder when the next time you’re going to criticize something that I say and something I do; or yell at me because I’m three minutes late; or get impatient with me because I don’t happen to agree with you? That ‘me-ism’ means that we’re hammering at one another; and we hammer the beauty out of this gorgeous relationship; and this place that is supposed to be a place of safety, and healing, and growth, and love becomes a place of hurt and danger. We do that to us because I’m not so much loving you; what I have is a set of rules for you, and you keep my self-oriented little rules, and I’ll be nice to you; but you get in the way of my rules, and I’m going to strike back in some way. I’m going to say a mean thing; I’m going to curse you with silence; I’m going to slam a door and walk down the hallway; I’m going to throw up in your face how hard it is to live with a person like you because it’s my wants, my needs, my feelings. This stuff is so powerful and profound; you can even see it in the life of a yet wordless infant--a little baby who can’t talk. You’ve fed the child; you’ve changed him; you’ve sung every song in your repertoire--he seems like he’s asleep, and you start out of the room, and you get five steps away, and you hear this bloodcurdling scream behind you. And he’s pushed himself up on his hands, and he’s stiffened his body, beginning to turn blue--now what is he saying? “Oh, no, you don’t! You will not leave. I love you, and have a wonderful plan for your life. I’m the l-o-r-d!”
Transcript: Session 4
WHAT DID YOU EXPECT?
46
Made with FlippingBook - Online catalogs