rescue. You must not view that as a hassle. You must not view that as an interruption--that’s grace. Wives, if your eyes ever see and your ears ever hear the sin, weakness, and failure of your husband, it’s never a hassle; it’s never an interruption; it’s never an accident; it’s always grace. God loves that man. He’s put that man in a marriage of faith, and He will reveal the need of that man to you so that you can be a tool of God’s rescue and redemption. It’s always grace! You see, it really is true that a marriage of unity, and understanding, and love is rooted in the worship of God, because it’s only when I’m worshiping God as Creator, celebrating your hardwiring, it’s only when I’m worshiping God as Sovereign, embracing all the differences of your story to mine, it’s only when I worship God as Savior, trusting that He cares more about our sin, weaknesses, and failures than we ever will, that I can treat you with respect and esteem. Because when I look at you, guess what I see? I see God’s work. And as I treat you with respect and esteem, we forge together a marriage of unity, and understanding, and love. Now, I want to make one particular application of this that I think is very, very important, but I will guarantee it’s going to make some people in this room uncomfortable. I want to talk about the physical, sexual intimacy of marriage. I know that of the people who are hearing these words, that there are many couples with a dissatisfying, dysfunctional, sometimes hurtful and painful, maybe shockingly infrequent sexual union. And I don’t know about you, but I’m pretty tired of what I call ‘Christian body-part’ books. As if we really think that our sexual problems in marriage are the result of the fact that we don’t know where stuff is--are you uncomfortable yet? Listen, here’s what you need to understand; hear this principle, “You always carry the true character and quality of your marriage relationship into the marriage bed.” If you have been demanding, and selfish, and critical, and impatient with me, now that I’m lying next to you, now with no protection whatsoever, utterly naked in the most vulnerable of human positions ever--Why would I ever be able to relax? Why would I ever be able to give myself to you? Why wouldn’t I conclude, if you’ve been selfish out here, and demanding out here, and mean and critical out here, why would I not think you would do that in the marriage bed? You always drag the true character and quality of your marriage relationship into the marriage bed. But if you have nourished and cherished me out here; if you’ve treated me with kindness, and tenderness, and love; if you’ve been patient and understanding; if you’ve served me willingly; now that I’m naked next to you, I know I can rest in your arms because I know you’ll love me there. I know you wouldn’t think of using me for your pleasure. You see, it really is true that a marriage of unity, and understanding, and love is rooted in worship--even sex is, by its very nature, an act of worship. You say Paul, “What are you talking about?” Because you see, in that moment where I’m now in the most vulnerable of human positions with you, I’m either worshipping myself or I’m worshiping God. I either only care about my pleasure, and all I want is to use you for my pleasure; or, I really do care about the pleasure of God. I want God to be pleased by everything that goes on in that moment, so I’m tender, and loving, and caring of you even in this intimate act. The thing that distorts and destroys the beauty of human sexuality is the selfishness of sin. I want what I want! I want it when I want it, and I will get it from you somehow. Even in the sexual union, a marriage of unity, and understanding, and love, sex of unity, and understanding, and love is rooted in worship. Men, I want to talk to you. Ladies, you can listen. If this applies to you, then take the application. One of the tragedies of modern evangelical culture is the growing number of men who are addicted to internet pornography. Now I get why that is so easily happening. Think with me. Men, if sex with your wife hasn’t been an act of love, if you have reduced your dear wife into a means of you getting off, if it hasn’t been about loving her, it’s only been about your pleasure, I will say it. “If your wife has become little more than a means of your masturbation, it’s very easy for me to understand how you can migrate down to the hallway, and you can sit in front of this computer, and you can replace her because it’s never been about her. It’s only been about you; it’s only been about your pleasure; and because it’s not been an act of loving relationship, it’s easy to replace her with this electronic tool. It’s happening to hundreds and thousands of Christian men because you’ve used your wife in sex. You haven’t
Transcript: Session 10
WHAT DID YOU EXPECT?
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