Now let's recognize the development that takes place in those first five years is stunning. It's awesome. You bring home a child that if you left that child in a crib or laying on a couch for three or four days on attended, that child would die. They are utterly, completely, totally dependent on you. They're physically, spiritually, emotionally, conceptually dependent and it's very, very clear that they're in great need of help and protection and care. But by the time a child is five, this child is quite sophisticated, has elaborate understanding, has put amazing things together. In fact, there is already formed the structure of a worldview. "This is what life was about. This is who I am. This is what I'm supposed to be doing." That structure is in place already. And the ability of this child to learn is, I mean, it's crazy. Think about this. A little girl, maybe between 18 and 20 months, she's just learning to form language says this sentence to her mother. "Mommy, Mommy, I thinked about what you said." And mommy says, "No, no, no, dear. It's not 'I thinked.' It's 'I thought.'" Do you understand that the mistake she's made is phenomenally intelligent? This little girl just by observation has learned that in the English language, when you form a verb in the past tense, the normal rule is to add an "ed" to the present tense. Now what parent has that conversation? You know, in about 15 months you say, "Dear, you're going to want to conjugate verbs in the past tense, so here's the normal rule." You see, you don't have to do that because this observer has put together the discrete rules of grammar and is actually using those rules in a way that's rational, that makes sense. Are you hearing me? Be afraid, be very afraid. I'm serious because that child never stops watching you, never stops listening to you, never stops interpreting your behavior. That's why a little girl not knowing why she's doing it, about three years old, will do this to her dad. "Daddy? You know, I need a dolly." Now where'd she learn that? You've never seen a little boy go, "Daddy..." Because she's beginning to learn the kinds of things that a woman does and the way a woman seeks to get what she wants, and seeks to advance her purpose. Little boy walks in the room and puts up his hand like this. "Yo, Dad." Our children learn real quickly how to sort of get inside our fences. I remember my youngest son hopping up on his mom's lap. He said, "Mommy, do you know how much I love you? I'm so glad you're my mommy." I'm behind him doing this because he's working her. He knew he was working her. I knew there was going to be a request to follow. This just wasn't a noble expression of affection by a deeply grateful son. It wasn't. My oldest son, Justin, actually stood up and began to walk somewhere between 9 and 10 months. Now that's not supposed to be physically possible, but it was. He was a kid who was sort of always ahead of the game and he was this little teeny humanoid, it just seemed weird that he was walking. And I knew the minute he got mobile, there was a whole world of danger out there. Right? The threat level goes from orange to red and so I walked him over to the wall socket. And, I mean, you think, "This conversation is just worthless." And I knelt down, I said, "This is dangerous. You must never touch this. You must never put anything in this." And he's doing this. The next day, I'm reading the newspaper in the living room and I hear the pitter-patter of little feet. And with peripheral vision that he doesn't know I have, out the side of the paper, I see his little head peek around the corner. He thinks that I'm totally engrossed in the paper and I can't see him. Now you got to see what happens next. He makes a beeline for the wall socket, but catch this. Just before he reaches to touch it, he turns to see if I'm looking. Now what does that turn tell you? He absolutely knows he's disobeying and he's chosen to do it. Don't think that at this age, you can't teach and instruct your children. Don't think they're unable to put things together. They're elaborately putting things together. How quickly will your children know that we eat different things at breakfast than we do at dinner? They know the difference between dessert and vegetables, doesn't take very long. They learn very quickly dress up clothes and play clothes, right?
Transcript: Session 5
GETTING TO THE HEART OF PARENTING
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