Now this passage defines for us what it actually means to live in this circle of safety. First of all, obedience. Obedience is a willing submission to my parent that causes me to do what I am told. Now get this. Obedience is willing submission. Obedience is not a child who's fighting and screaming, punching and pushing, flipping out. Now, they're moving toward what you told them to do, but everything in that behavior tells you they're not submitting. Are you with me? You hurt your child if you accept that because you're teaching them yelling and screaming and fighting, as long as I'm moving toward the thing I'm supposed to do, is an obedient heart. That's not an obedient heart. That's a rebellious heart in a child who thinks he can't win, so he's going to scream like crazy and tell you how much he hates your authority. That's not submission. Parents, in that moment, call the child back. Get down on your knees and say, "We have a problem here. Mommy hasn't been mean to you. Mommy hasn't done bad things to you. Mommy loves you. She's asked you to do something. You're screaming at Mommy. What are you thinking right now? Why are you screaming? What do you think that's going to accomplish?" That's an amazing moment. That's a God given moment because you're actually seeing shocking rebellion against God living in your hallway. This is the child who doesn't understand it. He's actually saying, "You will not make me obey. I'm going to rule my world." And listen, some of you are feeling the grief of teenagers who are doing that right now. We should feel the grief when it's a three-year-old doing it because that's where they're marching. That's where they're going. Don't call that a little thing. Don't laugh at that. It's serious and important. Now let's define this further. Willing submission says it's without challenge. If you ask your child to obey and they're yelling at you, what are they actually doing? They're taking authority over you. And so I'll be the mommy again. It's hard with a moustache to imagine that, I know, but it's not actually a mustache. It's a mutation. I have three of them on my back. My mom had one right here, it was so sad. I sit down. I say, "There's something not working here. You're trying to be the mommy of mommy and if you're the mommy of mommy, then you don't have a mommy and that's dangerous." See, that's good talk. You call him back because this is not a little moment, this is a big moment. They're challenging authority. How about without excuse? Wow. Children are never more creative than when they're excusing the rebellion. They'll say something like "I didn't hear you". You could whisper from 400 yards, "We're getting ice cream," and they'd hear you and come running. I forgot. If you said "We're going to the amusement park" six years ago, they'd still be reminding you. Very seldom is disobedience the result of audio or memory dysfunction. It's just not. And you see, all of us, a way that we ease our conscience when we do wrong is to erect an excuse that makes that wrong acceptable to our conscience, right? So if you're a husband and you just screamed at your wife, what do you tell yourself? You don't say, "I'm an evil sinner and I need further redemption." No, you say, "She always does this to me. I'm a good man." I got on a roll once arguing for my righteousness in front of my wife. This is very embarrassing to admit, but I will. I said these humble words to her. "95% of the women in our church would love to be married to a man like me." How's that for humility? Luella very sweetly informed me she was in the 5%. Now, why did I tell that story? I'll tell you why. You should not be surprised or tricked by those excuses because you're so good at giving them. You're good at it. You ought to be able to recognize it because every sinner does it. We are all very skilled self-swindlers. We just are. And so we need people in our lives who will help us to see ourselves and who will point that out to us – and it's very, very important – without delay. One of the ways children take authority over a parent is by delaying as far as they can before they do the thing. They know when you ask them to do it, you mean now, but they'll push you and they're watching you get upset. And when you finally say, "You still haven't picked up your toys," what does the child tell you? "You didn't tell me when." And as
Transcript: Session 5
GETTING TO THE HEART OF PARENTING
56
Made with FlippingBook - Online catalogs