I'm a mess. I get it wrong so often. I want life to indulge me. I want it to work according to my control. I want to be affirmed as right. I want particular pleasures and particular comforts and don't get in the way of those. I want, I want, I want, I want, I want, I want, I want. And I got to weep and say, "God, I put myself in the middle of my universe all the time and when I do that, I won't be part of what you're doing. I'll get in the way of it. God rescue me so that I can be used as your instrument of rescuing my children." I would encourage you pray that. Husbands and wives talk about that. Be willing to have your husband or wife say, "Listen, it was all about you today." Don't be offended. Don't be argumentative. Your relationship needs to work that way if you're going to help your children. Go everyday to God and say, "It's hard for me to teach worship. When I'm trapped in my own idolatry. Please rescue me so I can give Your rescue to my children." I will tell you for sure, those are prayers God will always answer because He wants your heart and He wants the heart of your children. There is a direct connection in the concrete situations and circumstances of everyday life between character and worship. Confess that for you, so you can reinforce that in your children. Let's pray. Thank You, thank You, thank You, Lord, for Your truth. Rescue us by that truth, we would pray in Jesus' name. Amen. SESSION 9 Well, we want to end with this final stage. We've looked at the importance of authority. We looked at the importance of development of character. What's going on now is internalization, is that the child begins this process where the standards of the home now become their standards, where it's not now "I'm responding to your authority or I'm agreeing with your character standards. These are my decisions, my choices that I willingly make". And it's a transitional period of time. You're actually beginning the process of more concretely preparing your children for their emancipation from the home and that is a very, very important stage. Now, you're going to be tempted to want to crank back the clock and treat this teenager like he's a five-year-old. And it's very, very important – some of you will struggle with this – that you begin to give some decision- making room for this child while he's still in the home. I'm not saying you totally remove your parental authority, but you want that those initial test cases – "I tried to make a decision, it blows up, I fail, I face consequences" – you want that to happen and the protection of your home, so you can be part of that process, so you can instruct and you can correct. I think, often, children have been so bubble-wrapped that they get out of the home, they haven't made any decisions, they haven't thought through them themselves. All those initial test cases are taking place now outside of the protective confines of parental authority. So you need to give a little bit of room for children to make some decisions and then they deal with the natural consequences of those, and you can interact with that. Now what's the main tool here? Decisions and consequences, I just said it. You begin to allow some room for that. You're the guide, you're the judge, you're the authority, but you're willing to let your child do some deciding and you guide them. Now, I'm not saying you're going to step back if this child is choosing to do something immoral. Clearly, you're not going to do that, but in some way, you got to begin to bear some decisions. Now don't settle for situational solutions and behavioral control. Your goal is not to so much protect your child, regulate, control his behavior, so that he never messes up. Your goal is to continue this work in his heart, so that he is finally prepared for his emancipation from the home. This is not in your notes, but I want to give you three windows on relationship to your child. Three types of relationships to teenagers and you need to know what type you're in. The first one, the most healthy one is
Transcript: Session 9
GETTING TO THE HEART OF PARENTING
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