Now when you're going off like that, what is your child seeing? Oh, this is going to hurt your feelings, but I got to say it. A fool because if you're so delusional as to confess to the complete righteousness of your youth, you need help. You know what's actually true? This is very humbling. I began to realize there were very few struggles in my teenager that I still couldn't identify in myself. I'm more like my teenagers than unlike them. Say that to yourself. It'll help you. They're not different than me. They're like me. Sad, but true. What's the issue of the science project? What's the issue? Can you give it to me in a word? Procrastination. Are you actually going to say there's no evidence of any procrastination in your life? Anybody here on a garage you can't drive into anymore? You keep saying yourself, you're going to empty it out, it never happens. You're thinking of building another garage, not for a car, but for more stuff. Anybody here do your taxes the night of? You know the post office stays open till midnight. You've gotten to know all the other procrastinators, it's like a reunion. This year, you're bringing the brownies. You see, if you say, "Your problem is that you're not like me. I can't believe you'd do such a thing." How do you get to, "And, oh, by the way Jesus loves you and..." Doesn't fit, does it? But to say to your child, "You know, I get exactly how you got yourself in this mess because I'm like you. I tend to put the stuff that I enjoy to the top of the list and keep pushing the stuff down that I find distasteful until I've gotten myself in trouble. Now I want you to know I'm not going to take you to the all-night chicken farm and I'm not going to write that magic note that gets you off the hook. You're going to have to face your responsibility, but I'll stand with you as you do. And I want you to know there is help for people like you and me because you know what we believe? This is really cool. You know what we believe? We don't believe that wisdom is an outline or a book. We believe that wisdom is a person and His name is Jesus. And Jesus offers you His wisdom." That's an awesome conversation. That's making wisdom beautiful. What about correction, to make correction beautiful? It's 11:00 at night and that son that you sent into the room at 7:30 to do his homework is still surfing YouTube. And you're just... you can't believe it. And you burst into the room and say, "I don't ask for much. I don't need a mansion or a Rolls Royce, just a son who's from earth. What is it about you I got deaf? You can't hear me? You want me to speak louder to you? Would that help? How about I hold your hand like a five-year- old and lead you around because that's how you act." What's going on in the heart of that child? He's raging against you at that moment because what you're doing is demeaning and ugly. It's not beautiful and you are actually potentiating the very rebellion that you'd like to break down. The next time he hears your feet walking toward his room, is he going to be excited? Is he going to be willing? No way. Parents, you know what you want to have happen? You want to be able to say hard things to your child that inside they may chafe against, but when you turn your back and you walk down the hall, that child, that teenage boy or girl says, "I don't always like what this person says to me, but this person loves me." Is that what you're building? Do you make wisdom and correction beautiful? The dangerous thing is Proverbs says, if you get anything get wisdom. Proverbs says he who hates correction is a fool and the danger is our teenagers don't esteem wisdom, and they don't esteem correction. Our job is to make those beautiful. Are you doing that with your teenager? SESSION 10 How about a tendency toward legalism? I don't mean that teenagers love God's law. I mean, they tend to be Philadelphia lawyers. They tend to be very oriented to boundaries. They want to know where the boundaries are. They tend to debate your vocabulary. Have you had that happen? "No, Mom, that's not exactly what you said." What you said was if your child is debating vocabulary, it's not because they love God's law, it's because they're trying to find a place to get through it. They want to slip between your words. Now think about what's going on there.
Transcript: Session 10
GETTING TO THE HEART OF PARENTING
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