Let me give you a physical picture. Let's just say you have a yard. Inside of that yard are all the good, true and beautiful things a human being should want. There's a chain link fence and outside of that yard is danger. Are you with me in the picture? And you have a teenager who's pressing his face against the fence so much that he's got fence marks in his face. Now what is that teenager believing? Can you tell me? You can talk? What's he believing? That the good stuff is out there. You would be shocked to know how many teenagers actually feel disadvantaged because they live in a family of faith, because they think the very nature of being there will keep them from the good stuff. Now that means the issue isn't just a rebellion to authority. The issue is the belief of a lie and I think we are very skilled at responding to issues of falsehood with responses of authority. We just crank up authority, so watch. What if I make the fence five fences thick? Have I solved the problem? What if I make the fence 20 feet high? Have I solved the problem? Listen, if your teenager believes the good stuff is out there, he's going and you won't be smart enough to make him a prisoner. Trust me. I had a father who had a teenage son who just believed that and so they did something that's pretty shocking. They would lock him in his room every night at 9:00. That's responding using an authority response to a falsehood issue. He sat there one night and realized, because he looked at the back of his door so much, that if he popped off the trim, the pins of the door would be exposed. And so over the next couple of days, he snuck into his room the requisite tools, eased the molding around the door off and in the middle of the night, he popped the pins off the door and took off the door. Also, he took off the lock set, but he wasn't done. He took off every handle and every lock set of every door in the entire house very quietly in the middle of the night, put them in a plastic bag, put the plastic bag in a box, took the box down the street to an empty field, dug a hole, buried them and went back to bed. His dad woke up in the morning. He almost fell through the door, went for the bathroom. Even the front and back door had no handles on them. Now what does that demonstrate? You haven't dealt with the issue. This child is believing something that's dangerous. You got to get at the belief system and you have opportunity to do that. What you need to do is turn your teenager again and again to the middle of the yard and show how God's way is gorgeous. It's beautiful. Wouldn't you like to live in a place where there is no stealing, there was no lying, there was no adultery, there was no danger, there was no racism, there were no ugly words said. Everybody's peaceful, gentle, kind, loving, patient. Wouldn't that be beautiful? That's the world God chose for us. If you're having an anniversary, mom and dad, don't just celebrate the glory of your love. Talk about God. Talk about the fact without God's wisdom and God's grace, you couldn't have possibly lived with one another. I'm serious, celebrate God. Celebrate the beauty of a long-term marriage, what it's like to live with somebody that you know this well, that you love this much. Again and again and again, point yourself, your child, your teenage boy or girl to the beauty of God's way. Counteract that lie that they're so tempted to believe. Third, teens tend to be unwise in the choice of companions. A lot's said about this in Proverbs. You know, in the early days, you're the gatekeeper. No one enters the life of your child that you haven't approved. But there comes a day when with a larger, let's say, high school, the child working a job, their ability to drive, they now acquire friends that you don't know. That's a very significant thing and in some way, those relationships will always be influential. What are you going to do about that? Well, you don't want to give in to parental fear, and say and do things that drive that under the table. You know, I'd say to your child, "You know, only a loser hangs around with losers." That's probably not going to open up the conversation. I want to suggest something to you that I think can be very powerful. Make your home the most hospitable place in your community. Get a widescreen television with a Wii system. It's a good investment. Have plenty of snacks, have plenty of things to drink, have an open-door policy.
Transcript: Session 10
GETTING TO THE HEART OF PARENTING
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