The Christian Home By Rev. Paul Bayles Pa sto r, Centinela B ib le Church H aw thorn e, California
@04LWiatuiattort& on this 50th Anniversary of the KING'S BUSINESS Magazine . . . from the 129 former BIOLA students and their fellow Bible trans- ators and support workers; a total of 1005 missionaries who are now laboring to bring the Gospel through native language Scriptures to 211 of the 2000 Tongues to Oo AS MEMBERS OF . . . W YC L IFFE BIBLE TRANSLATORS, INC.
F or the past two months this column has been concerned with the matter of family worship— its principles and patterns. We are now ready to discuss a problem related to worship within the Christian home. I refer to the friction between parents and teenage children. Parents write, “Why can’t we interest our Christian teenager in the family altar?” By the way of definition, let us examine the possible areas of difficulty. The parent-teenage tension is more basic than the hostility frequently expressed regarding family worship. The family gathered together for prayer and Bible reading simply provides a situation where this conflict can be seen clearly. It is seldom the “ altar” that the teeners rebel against. They resent something more deep seated much less definable. Teenagers have a natural need to feel their independence— it is a pain ful part of growing up. They feel that they must prove their “maturity” by behaving in what is sometimes an intolerable air of haughty sophistication. A regimented family worship will provide a situation that reminds them of those humiliating days when they were dependent upon you. Of course, you have fond and sentimental memories of the days when they looked to you for everything—you felt needed and important. Those same memories em barrass them. So, make your worship-time less regimented and authoritarian. Seek out their views and opinions. Respect their ideas. As young people begin to think for themselves, they often doubt, ques tion, and criticize the beliefs of their parents. In pre-teen days children usually accept at face value what adults tell them. With the birth of this new mind, the adolescent begins to investigate these facts for himself. This is a precarious position for them and it frightens the sincere parent, but it it quite normal and necessary. We do not want them to go through life believ ing as they do just because we said it. We want them to be sure. We want their faith to be personal. The tendency of the anxious parent is to be horrified when his teenager expresses some unorthodox view. The parent, whose faith is quite settled, will often pounce upon his child’s doubt. Perhaps he will ridicule and belittle some thought expressed from this new and “ free” mind. Often this happens at “ altar time.” Be permissive. If God isn’t shocked, why should you be? How can you really guide this new mind unless you know its thoughts, problems, and doubts? How can you know them unless you listen and encourage participation by acceptance? This new personality-birth makes the teener want to explore the outside- the-home world. It seems so big and exciting. The opinions of outside-the- home people make the opinions of parents appear drab and dull. They don’t want to hurt you. It’s just that they have heard your opinions so often. If, during this difficult time, you show interest in their “ world,” the chances are that their world will disillusion them and they will return to “ orthodoxy” much the wiser. Don’t force a choice between you and their world. Let them learn to be loyal to two groups. Patiently help them to evaluate and to weigh these ideas and views. Family altar is a wonderful time for wholesome dis cussion, not a debate or lecture! Don’t use every incident of their lives as the basis for a sermon. Learn the art of encouraging discussion, even if you have to go to the public library for help. Often, there are educational barriers between parents and children to day. The opportunity for learning is available today, but it wasn’t so avail able in years back. This frequently puts parents on the defensive with their “ better educated” children. As a result, the young person becomes more de fiant and haughty, thereby complicating an already difficult relationship. Try to realize that the family altar is not a time for debate. Its purpose does not include proving spirituality, intelligence, knowledge, education, authority, or personal worth. It is a family experience of worship, sharing, and under standing. There are two books worth recommending. They are both by Grace Sloan Overton and their titles are, “ Living With Teeners” and “ Living With Par ents.” They may be of some help to you. A little effort on everyone’s part will surprise the whole family! For specific suggestions, review preceding articles on principles and patterns.
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