When You Follow the Rules for True Apologies IT’S NEVER TOO LATE TO SAY SORRY
Feb. 14 surely gives us an opportunity to think about love and all its joys, but when love lasts, we realize there’s work to be done, too. Some of the hardest work we do for the people we love comes down to two simple words:
3. Don’t overshadow the apology with how bad you feel. Express remorse, but don’t make the victim feel guilty.
4. Don’t play the blame game. Even if the victim played a role, don’t say things like, “You started it!” Instead, try saying, “I’m sorry for my role in this.” 5. Fix it. Promise to change your behavior. Then do it. Otherwise, your apology is just a Band-Aid, not a cure. If it’s a serious sin, you may have to do a lot of repair work. Hunker down and get it done. 6. Timing is everything. Sometimes you’ve got to let the wounds heal a bit before the one you hurt is ready to hear you. You owe them that.
For me, uttering that can feel like a kick in the gut, even if I know I’m wrong. But I’ve figured out after nearly two decades of marriage that an unapologized wrong is like an untreated wound. It festers and sickens a relationship. If I’ve done wrong to someone I love, I need to say I’m sorry and say it well. So, how do you do that? I found an enlightening article on Psychology Today’s website called “The 9 Rules for True Apologies” written by Harriet Lerner, a Ph.D. psychologist who also wrote the book “Why Won’t You Apologize? Healing Big Betrayals and Everyday Hurts.” Here’s the expert’s advice — in my words — on making an apology that can make a difference, heal your relationship, and make you a better part of it. And, I’ve gotten the nine rules down to six! 1. Avoid the dirty word “but.” Injecting “but” into an apology makes it an excuse and transfers blame to the victim. It’s pretty hollow to hear, “I know I was wrong, but ...” After the “but,” who listens? 2. Own it. Focus on what you did wrong, period. Don’t bring up the other person’s response, which often starts with “but” — “But you shouldn’t have gotten so mad.”
You can check out the full article at PsychologyToday.com/us/ blog/the-dance-connection/201409/the-9-rules-true-apologies.
And to that, I’ll add three more rules from some other expert advice I’ve gotten:
7. Confess. Tell the victim you know exactly what you did wrong.
8. Tell them you know how it hurt them. Prove you’re sensitive to the inconvenience or suffering you’ve caused.
9. Ask for forgiveness. Give them the power to release you from your wrongdoing so you can both move on.
It doesn’t take much: “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you I’ve got to leave town this weekend for work. Now, you’ve got to get the children to their activities without my help, which is complicated and frustrating. I didn’t think of you. That won’t happen again. I’ll arrange some carpools to help you. Will you forgive me?”
Here’s hoping we all become a little stronger this year so we can counterpunch these kicks in the gut with a strong, sincere apology.
VALENTINE’S DAY TREATS FOR YOUR KIDS Don’t Forget About Your Little Valentine This Year
REFLECTIONS OF LOVE While you’re busy cooking up a feast, your kids will most likely visit the bathroom to get ready for the day. What will they see when they walk in? Their mirror covered in sticky notes in the shape of a heart! You can write words of encouragement, love, and support and set the display up for them the night before. It’s a fantastic way for them to start their day. LET YOUR KIDS BE IN CHARGE Valentine’s Day lands on a Friday this year, but that doesn’t mean you can’t celebrate over the weekend. Let your kids plan a day of fun by creating a list of activities they can choose from. Let them decide whether you all spend a few hours together ice skating, watching a movie, going to the park, or visiting an amusement park. To add a little more fun, create a “menu” they can look at and choose what they’ll have for dinner that night.
Valentine’s Day isn’t just observed between romantic couples. It’s a day for celebrating the love you feel for people in all areas of your life. And if you have kids, Valentine’s Day is a perfect opportunity to celebrate your love for them and let them know how special they are to you. Here are a few ways to make this Feb. 14 the most memorable one yet for your little ones. GIFTS AND BALLOONS Surprise your little ones the morning of Feb. 14 by decorating their room with their favorite treats and balloons. Tie their favorite candy bar or a small toy they’ve had their eye on to the bottom of one or more balloon strings. Then, place the balloons around their bedroom for them to find. A HEARTFELT BREAKFAST Take the time to whip up their favorite breakfast and try to add a little bit of Valentine’s Day cheer. If you want to get extra crafty, you can cook bacon, pancakes, eggs, and toast all in the shape of hearts. For extra love, add strawberries or raspberries to complete the Valentine’s Day vibe.
Enjoy this day of love with all of your special someones this year!
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Better Safe Than Sorry PROTECT YOUR RIGHTS TO WORKERS’ COMPENSATION
quicker you get checked out and fixed up, the less it could cost your employer in lost production.
Say you’re working away on the production line when you suddenly feel the sharp sting of pain in your shoulder. It hurts, but it eventually fades to a dull ache. Will you file a compensation claim even if you’re able to continue working? This is when you’re better safe than sorry. You may not need a lot of medical care or your claim may not cost a lot of money, but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t protect yourself immediately and risk a denied claim. Err on the side of caution: Protect your rights to workers’ compensation. Here’s what you should do. 1. Report the injury to your supervisor immediately. Legal deadlines will end your right to compensation if you don’t report soon enough. Your employers are also required to document your injury reports, no matter how severe. 2. Go to the doctor even if you don’t think you need to, and do it right away. Make sure your injury isn’t more severe than you realize and start preventive care if you need it. Plus, the
3. Be honest with your doctor. You want completely accurate documentation of your injuries, and the only way to get it is to explain everything thoroughly. Be specific about what you were doing when you got hurt, where it hurt, and what it felt like. Don’t minimize your pain. You’re reporting symptoms so they can be treated. 4. Follow your doctor’s advice, even if you don’t want to. If you’re not willing to help yourself, then no one else will want to help you. That especially includes insurance adjusters, employers, and commissioners. Letting your employer know that you got hurt and want to seek medical attention can be uncomfortable. But remember that your employer has a legal obligation to help employees who get hurt at work. If you want to seek workers’ compensation, contact Holland & Usry so we can help.
2 Corinthians 12:10 “When you’ve done everything you can do, that’s when God will step in and do what you can’t do.” Romans 8:39 “Neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.” Matthew 5:23-24 “Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother or sister has something against you, leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to them; then come and offer your gift.” Good News
EASY SHRIMP SCAMPI
Make date night simple with this easy shrimp scampi recipe.
4 tbsp butter
1/2 tsp oregano
4 tbsp olive oil
1/2 cup dry white wine
1 tbsp minced garlic
1/4 cup lemon juice
1 lb shrimp, peeled and deveined
8 oz cooked linguine
1/4 cup parsley
1. In a skillet over medium heat, melt 2 tbsp of butter with 2 tbsp of olive oil. Add garlic and cook for 2 minutes. 2. Add shrimp and oregano, stirring frequently until shrimp is pink. Remove shrimp from skillet. 3. Add wine and lemon juice to skillet and bring the mixture to a boil. 4. Stir in remaining butter and olive oil and cook until butter is melted. 5. Add cooked shrimp to skillet and cook for 1 minute, stirring occasionally. 6. In a serving bowl, top cooked linguine with shrimp mixture. Garnish with parsley and serve.
Inspired by The Blond Cook
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INSIDE this issue
How to Say Sorry Sincerely Your Kids Deserve Valentine’s Day Treatment Too! Testimonials Don’t Diminish Your Workers’ Comp Claim Easy Shrimp Scampi Famous Tongue Twisters and Their Origins
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PETER PIPER DID WHAT? THE LITTLE-KNOWN ORIGINS OF COMMON TONGUE TWISTERS
Tongue twisters are a highlight of many people’s childhoods and are also highly entertaining for many adults. Having the ability to say “Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled peppers” without stumbling or stuttering can earn you several impressed stares. However, as fun as they are to say, not very many people know the history behind our favorite tongue twisters.
PETER PIPER: Pierre Poivre, Gardener
finds to people, including the fossils of the ichthyosaur, the plesiosaur, and the pterosaur. Though her constant scouring of the shores inspired Terry Sullivan’s “She Sells Sea Shells” song, Mary’s more prominent fossil discoveries went mostly unrecognized.
Although it is not known for sure, Peter Piper and his pickled peppers are speculated to be inspired by a French horticulturist, Pierre Poivre. Throughout the 18th century, it’s said that Pierre would smuggle cloves out of the Dutch East India Company-controlled Spice Islands. He then grew them on his own, which then led to freeing the market for future cloves.
HOW MUCH WOOD: Fay Templeton, Performer
SHE SELLS SEASHELLS: Mary Anning, Fossil Discoverer
Of the many tongue twisters in the world, “How Much Wood Could a Woodchuck Chuck” is a real favorite. This rhyme was introduced to the public through the musical “The Runaways” in a song performed by Fay Templeton in 1903. Most people pay little attention to the origin of the tongue twister and instead spend more time trying to answer it. In the 20th century, a New York fish and wildlife technician named Richard Thomas put some thought into it and declared the answer is 700 pounds.
The popular beach-themed tongue twister, “She sells seashells by the seashore,” was inspired by groundbreaking discoverer Mary Anning. Mary was a woman living in the 19th century who collected rocks, seashells, and even fossils on the rocky shores near her home. To support her family, Mary sold her
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