Cannapages May/June 2023 Edition - Phoenix/Tucson

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Dispatches from the Highlands

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Cannatown News

UFO'S FLY AMONG US Canngress Hears Testimony On Increased Sightings

e Myriagon, Can- natowns’ military unit, is “invester- gating” a growing number of cases of UFOs and currently tracking some 420 events, head of the responsible agency told a canngres- sional committee on Wednesday. But Kirk Seanpatrick, director of the All-Seeing UFO Oce, also hoped to shed some light on what’s behind the increase in sight- ings, telling them, “I have no f*cking idea.” e unexplained incursions have le Cannatown’s leader- ship worrying that

showed a snippet of laser Pink Floyd at the Pantages, and the third, a shiny cube seem- ingly bouncing around in the clouds like a die among cotton balls. “at’s the one I can’t stop watching,” Se- anpatrick told the audience. “I’m gonna post it on Reddit’s r/OddlySatisfying tonight.” However the director was sure to state that they’d found absolutely no credible evidence of alien activity, to a certain degree of spite, mostly because the vast majority of active cases ended up in having to clean detritus hanging from power lines like balloons and shoes. Such excursions were a major source of burnout for agents, he said. Only a small percentage of the cases could reasonably be called really really strange he argued. It was quite the turn from the same person who, along with co-author Allison Bundy, published in February a theory

oating nefarious vehicles may be operated by adversaries, in particular, possibly Resin- ville, or Mt. Durban, the sister city that’s been chasing down some money loaned to Cannatown decades ago. Seanpatrick said that about half the reports have been prioritized for more research because they’re a little bit mind-blowing. “In one case, a person just spontaneously combusted. Who does that?” he said. “And these huge crop circles where they’re stealing all the nugs in a huge eld? It’s inhuman.” During his testimony, he screened home videos of three declassied incidents recorded by military drones. e rst video, showing a giant oblong spheroid in the air, seemed to bump into a barn as if backing up and trying to park. e second video

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