DE A R GEE
LETTER FROM READER
MENTAL HEALTH FOUNDATION UK
I have been alcohol-free for nine and half months now which I am very proud of but am finding it very difficult to let go of some of my 'friends' from my old life socialising. We always socialised as a couple with other couples and I cannot seem to find anything in common with them anymore particularly after the second bottle arrives at the table at dinner out. What is holding me back is that they said I would become boring and different and I have been determined to prove them wrong - but I fear that I am different but I am not boring. I am tired since things eased up here in the States having to go out with them every other weekend, football, beer, nonsense chatter. My husband is happy to stay at home with me as he says he loves me not drinking and does not want us to do anything to put pressure on that decision. How do you ease yourself out of life-long relationships without looking like a bitch? Hey lovely lady, I am sure every woman reading this will be nodding her head recognising this dilemma. You are a different end of! You were a woman who drank and now you don’t, celebrate your difference! We know that when we drank we generally associated ourselves with other couples or individuals whose behaviours were similar or justified our own. Now you’re nine months free, you are realising that this social setting no longer serves you. You only have one crack at this life. Well done for recognising it. It sounds like you have a very supportive husband who will not miss the events you describe and is clearly willing to support you on whatever decision you make. This makes the answer really easy. You are your own person, you MUST spend time with people who bring the best out in you, you’re not there to suit them. Relationships are reciprocal, if they are your real friends they will understand and support you. One may argue that the rebuff of ‘ sober and boring’ comes from a position of defense and you are right, you don’t fit there anymore. So, you boundary yourself and do what suits you! No need for drama or a grand exit, just a quiet, ‘I can’t make it’, or, if you are feeling very confident and boundaried, an honest conversation explaining its not for you anymore. You don’t need to fall out with the friendship group. You can invite them to events on your terms. Addiction is serious and freeing yourself from it can only be controlled by you. If you were diabetic, your friends wouldn’t expect you to eat candy. This goes one of two ways, an understanding respectful response and the friendship continues in a different social setting or no understanding of your position and there was never a friendship. Win win! Good luck x
How alcohol affects your brain Alcohol is a depressant, meaning it can disrupt the balance of neurotransmitters (chemical messengers) in your brain and affect your feelings, thoughts and behaviour. Alcohol affects the part of your brain that controls inhibition, so after a drink or two you may feel relaxed, less anxious and more confident. But these effects quickly wear off. The chemical changes in your brain can soon lead to more negative feelings such as anger, depression or anxiety taking over – regardless of the mood you’re in. Alcohol also slows down how your brain processes information, making it harder to work out what you’re really feeling and the possible consequences of your actions. In the long-term, alcohol uses up and reduces the amount of neurotransmitters in our brains, but we need a certain level to ward off anxiety and depression. This can make you want to drink more to relieve these difficult feelings – which can start a cycle of dependence. - February 16, 2022
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