july 2018
Reuniting With People Who Are Dear to Us Together in One Place
When my sister and I were growing up, summertime usually brought fishing trips, drives to Key West, and time with family. Sometimes we’d take our boat to Key West for a fishing trip. Other times, we’d travel by boat to the Bahamas. My dad’s brother would often join us on these trips with his family, which meant we got to hang out with our cousins. We loved it because when we all got together, there were more kids than adults, which meant a lot of goofing around. It became something of a family reunion — sometimes with 15 or 20 of us staying at a hotel or rented house. The summer memories of my childhood are wrapped up in these trips, gathering with family and reuniting with loved ones.
As everyone got older, these trips became less frequent. It became harder to get everyone in one place at the same time. When the opportunity to reunite presents itself, you have to jump on it. That’s the case this summer. When Ashley’s family suggested a trip to Colorado, Ashley and I knew it was an opportunity that we couldn’t miss. We’ll get to spend time with Ashley’s mom, my parents, my sister, her husband, and their kids. It will be the first time Russell and Ruby get to meet their newest cousin, my sister’s 7-month- old baby, and we’re all eager for them to become good friends like we were with our cousins. It won’t be quite the size as our reunions used to be, but this mini family reunion will be a wonderful way to gather with the people we love. We owe Ashley’s father a huge thank-you for lending us his timesharing unit, despite his not being able to join us because of a pre-planned trip. We’re so appreciative that he gave us the inspiration and means to make this happen. We haven’t gotten to the point of planning our days yet, but a kid-friendly float trip seems in order, with all of us piled onto one big raft. I’d also love to go mountain biking and check out some of the hiking trails in Colorado. We’re looking forward to the change in terrain and access to outdoor activities we can’t do in Florida. Ashley and I share a love for the outdoors, probably because we both grew up appreciating it. Fishing, boating, and swimming were part of my upbringing, but Ashley had a different version of the outdoors. She has family in Utah, so her summers were often spent visiting them and seeing the West. Having grown up in Florida, I’m more familiar with water than mountains, but I enjoy both. The mountains are a nice change of scenery when we go to the West. Ashley’s parents also had a travel trailer, and she often talks about the trips they would take in it. It’s sparked dreams of us getting one of our own and making trips around our part of the U.S. with the kids. (We have an Apex Nano 208BHS on order now!) We’d love to go to the Smoky Mountains, see North Carolina, and Northern Georgia. One of our travel dreams is to visit that part of the South in the fall and watch the leaves change across that region of the Appalachians. For now, though, I’m very content to go West and enjoy our time in Colorado with family. The truth is, I’d go just about anywhere to hang out with all these people at the same time.
– Chris Bruce
Young Russell Loves Boats!!
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Outlining the First 5 Steps When you’re planning a vacation, you have to figure out how to get to your destination. You map out your route and make sure there’s a plane, train, or automobile that can transport you there. It may not be a trip to the Bahamas, but if you’re planning to get divorced, you still need to understand how to get there. You are setting yourself up for failure if you don’t educate yourself about the process. That doesn’t mean you have to know everything — there’s a reason why attorneys spend four years at law school. You can skip most of what attorneys learn, and focus on what is immediately relevant to your divorce. Attorney Chris Bruce has outlined what you need to know in 10 condensed steps. If you’re looking to learn divorce basics without wasting time, this list is for you. Here we outline the first five in Mr. Bruce’s guide. TO THE 10-STEP PROGRAM
IS YOUR CHILD BEING BULLIED?
WARNING SIGNS YOU CAN’T IGNORE
Somewhere along the line, our society accepted bullying as a social norm for children. “How can kids learn to cope with the real world if they can’t handle a bully?” is a common misguided justification. Kids who don’t meet the standards of what they are socially expected to be aren’t accepted among their peers. Rather, they are treated like emotional punching bags for anyone deemed more culturally acceptable. But the life of a child is truly a special force in this world, and just because someone differs from physical, social, or cultural normativity doesn’t give anyone the right to treat them poorly. Differences should be celebrated, and bullying needs to be eradicated. The best way we can start is by making an effort to notice bullying and put a stop to it. Here are three warning signs. HEADACHES AND STOMACH ACHES Anxiety is an emotional complexity that tends to manifest itself in physical ways. If you notice your child has stress-related symptoms like headaches, ask them about their emotional well-being. An open-ended question like, “I’ve noticed you haven’t been feeling well a lot lately, can you tell me more about that?” will help open lines of communication. CHANGE IN FRIENDS There are bound to be changes in friend groups throughout your child’s life, but that doesn’t mean parents shouldn’t take notice when this happens. When a child expresses disinterest in spending time with specific people, it could be a sign of bullying. Connecting with other parents who have children in the same circle could be a way to gauge the pulse of your child’s friend group. CONFIDENCE ISSUES Bullying has the potential to drop kids into a volatile cycle of confidence-killing self-talk. Bullying may produce external damage, but what goes on internally can be catastrophic for children. The continually progressing, technology-based environment our children live in nearly outpaces their ability to adjust and cope. Children often internalize their emotions, and when they are being bullied by someone online, their distress can be even harder to detect. The best way to be aware of how your children are feeling is to talk to them openly about their social interactions both online and offline.
STEP 1: GET YOUR ACT TOGETHER. Prepare yourself for divorce — and everything that comes with it.
STEP 2: LEARN THE BASICS OF LEVERAGE AND STRATEGY. Learn to avoid things that morph a straightforward divorce into an all-out and unnecessary divorce war.
STEP 3: LEARN WHAT IS IMPORTANT ABOUT DIVORCE LAWS. Get a practical understanding of the basics of the laws that apply to you.
STEP 4: LEARN WHAT IS IMPORTANT ABOUT THE DIVORCE COURT PROCESS AND TIMING. Understand the timeline of events that will come after the divorce lawsuit is filed. STEP 5: GET ORGANIZED AND FIGURE OUT WHAT YOU WANT. Learn how to securely gather and analyze information about your family’s finances to develop an initial understanding about what you want in a divorce settlement and in your life after the divorce. You’ll also need to determine what questions you need answered by an attorney. These steps are at the core of learning how to make your divorce the Best Divorce . By familiarizing yourself with each one, you learn what needs to be done, and when it needs to be done. These and the rest of the steps, with details about each one, can be found at brucepa.com/divorce-strategy . While you’re there, download Chris Bruce’s free guide to finding the Best Divorce.
Is your friend or client in need of a guide as they prepare for divorce? our divorce strategy book can help!
The book can be downloaded for FREE at GetOrganizedForDivorce.com.
Summer is the perfect opportunity to discuss these issues with your child because they likely will be relaxed, comfortable, and out of school, where bullying often occurs. Then they can approach the new school year with confidence and self-worth. What parent doesn’t want that?
If your friend or client lives in the South Florida area, we will mail them a hard copy of the book upon request.
2 • BrucePA.com
Can You Feel the Love?
3. RECEIVING GIFTS For many, giving a tangible gift is a way to communicate love. A thoughtful, meaningful gift shows that you are listening and want to give them something “just because.” It’s not necessarily related to materialism, either. The cupcake from your spouse’s favorite bakery doesn’t cost a lot, but it can communicate this priceless message to your partner: “I thought of you in this moment.” 4. ACTS OF SERVICE From folding the laundry to picking up the kids, actions speak louder than words, especially for those whose primary love language is acts of service. Taking the time and energy to serve your partner and do it with a smile is a powerful message of love. 5. PHYSICAL TOUCH The everyday physical connections you have with your partner communicate love on an important level. As therapist Virginia Satir said, “We need four hugs a day for survival. We need eight hugs a day for maintenance. We need twelve hugs a day for growth.” If you or your spouse didn’t grow up in a “touchy-feely” family, learn to express this love language by starting with simple gestures, like sitting close to your partner while you watch a show or hugging when you greet one another — and a few more times for good measure.
During his 30 years as a couples’ counselor, Dr. Gary Chapman noticed communication patterns among the couples he worked with. In his popular book, “The 5 Love Languages,” he distills these observations into five of the most popular ways people express love and makes them accessible for all couples. Understanding what your five love languages are and how they apply to both of you may help you better express love in your relationship. If you haven’t read the book, here’s a quick look at the five love languages as identified by Dr. Chapman. 1. WORDS OF AFFIRMATION Beyond saying “I love you,” words are powerful means to communicate love. Positive messages and compliments, especially straightforward and simple ones, can go far in expressing affection to a partner. Compliments like “You have the best laugh,” and “Wow! That drawing looks amazing. You are so creative!” show that you notice the wonderful qualities about your partner. 2. QUALITY TIME Being present is a crucial part of a relationship, and staring at your phone or watching Netflix while you’re together doesn’t quite cut it. Quality time should be uninterrupted time focused on your partner. It doesn’t have to involve an expensive date, either. Sometimes the best way to make time “quality” is to enjoy each other’s company in a comfortable, quiet space, simply talking.
If you’re interested in taking Dr. Chapman’s test, visit 5lovelanguages.com.
have a LAUGH
Kielbasa Kabobs
ingredients
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2 pounds fully cooked smoked kielbasa
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2 cloves garlic, minced
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2 large onions
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1/4 cup olive oil
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2 green bell peppers
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Salt and pepper, to taste
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3 red bell peppers
Directions
1.
Heat grill to medium.
2. In a small bowl, combine oil, garlic, and a pinch of salt and pepper. 3. Cut pepper, onion, and kielbasa into 1-inch chunks. 4. Thread onto skewers, alternating ingredients. 5. Brush with oil mixture and grill, covered, 10–12 minutes. [NOTE: If using bamboo skewers, soak in water for 30 minutes before threading to prevent burning.]
Inspired by Good Housekeeping
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A Trip to the West page 1
How to Tell if Your Kids Are Being Bullied
The 10 Steps to Divorce Strategy Education page 2
Deciphering the 5 Love Languages page 3
Are Your Emotions Preventing Your Success? page 4
Feelings are a good thing. Companies want to hire people who have high emotional intelligence, and emotions are what differentiates you from an electronic device that can even mimic your voice. But what happens when your feelings overwhelm you? Anyone who’s awoken in the middle of the night with a racing heart and panicked thoughts can relate to this. And it may be what’s keeping you from achieving your goals. Brianna Wiest, who writes about emotional intelligence, suggests that by organizing our emotions, we can use them to reach our goals. By using aspects of cognitive behavioral therapy and learning to organize your emotions to reach your goals, you can prevent them from controlling you. As Wiest says, you’ll learn “where they come from, whether or not they serve you, and what they are trying to tell you.” TRACK YOUR FEELINGS Start by making this part of your morning routine: When you wake up, acknowledge how you are feeling. If it helps, write down a bulleted list of your feelings. Use “I feel” statements. You might write, “I feel anxious about everything I have to get done today,” or, “I feel happy that I get to work on the new project today.” IDENTIFY SOURCES Are there certain triggers — people, activities, habits — that always cause you to feel a certain way? Which of those are propelling you to achieve your goals, and which are hampering that progress? The Key to Success: EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE
Make a list of everything that’s causing you stress — going to your doctor’s appointment, talking to your financial planner, calling back your mom — and mark a specific day and time that week to review your list. Chances are, when you come back to it, you’ll find that most of the items on the list weren’t really worth worrying about. For every item that’s still a source of stress, make an action plan for how and when you’ll resolve it. For those worries that can be dealt with immediately, note how much satisfaction you get from taking care of them. LET YOUR SCHEDULE HONOR YOUR FEELINGS Wiest points out that people often have an all-or-nothing mentality. Many think, “I feel great today, so I’m going to get all my work done!” Or, “I’m tired today, so I’m going to put all my work off for tomorrow.” The problem is that this mentality is not sustainable. If you track your emotions, you’ll understand how they influence your behavior. For example, if you notice that you feel a certain emotion during afternoon meetings, see if you can shift them to the morning.
Implement these strategies today and allow your emotions to nurture rather than restrict your goals.
4 • BrucePA.com
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