capacity whatsoever to satisfy your heart?” He said, “Well, you’re raining on my parade.” I was--Big Gospel Monsoon! Earth will never satisfy your heart. All the beautiful things of earth are meant to point you to the God who alone can satisfy your heart. Creation will never be your Savior. And while you’re saying to yourself, “If only I had this…, if only I had that…, if only I had the other thing,” this important relationship is lying in neglect. Listen, whatever sits on the other side of your ’if only’ is your treasure; it’s the thing that you’re living for. Second category--anxiety-bound needs, worry-encased needs. Now you have to know this that the word ‘need’ is one of the most sloppy words used in human culture. The vast majority of what we say we need, we don’t actually need if need means essential for life. You know this if you have children. You take one of your children to a mall--that’s your first mistake; and you’re walking down the concourse of the mall, and your son sees the sneaker store, and he takes a left-hand turn, nose against the glass, and he points to a pair of sneakers and says, “I need those sneakers.” He doesn’t say, “I kind of sort of wish and desire.” He says, “I need!” Now he’s convinced that he has to have them. Now the minute he names it as a need, three things happen: (a) he feels entitled to it, (b) he feels it’s his right to demand it, and (c) he will judge your love by your willingness to deliver it. He feels entitled to it; he feels it is his right to demand it; and he will judge your love by your willingness to deliver it. And you say, “No, mom’s not going to buy you sneakers today. You have enough shoes.” You’ve never heard your children say, “What a wise parent I have! They have seen through the need and seen selfish desire, and they have rescued me from me; I feel so bad for those kids who have multiple sneakers and have parents who don’t really love them.” No! Your son lashes out against you because he feels entitled to it; he feels a right to demand it; and he can’t believe that you would love him and say, “No.” And so you say, “What do you want to do next?” He says (rudely), “I don’t care; I don’t care what we do.” “Do you want to get something to eat?” “I’m not hungry!” He’s lashing out. What are you telling yourself that you need; what are you telling yourself that you can’t live without, and how is that affecting your relationship? Where do you feel entitled? Where do you feel the right to make demands? Where do you judge the love of the other person by their willingness to deliver something to you? Perhaps what you say you need--you don’t actually need. Perhaps that need is harming your marriage. Now I’m about to make everybody in the room angry, but I think it’s my job because I want to have this conversation with you. And again, it’s one of these moments where you have to listen very carefully to give me a chance to explain. Wives, I want to talk to you first. This will shock you when I say it. You don’t actually need a husband who loves you, if need means essential for life. Is that a beautiful thing? Absolutely! Should you pray for that? Absolutely! Is that a wonderful gift of God? Absolutely! But hear this; He has never promised to give that to you, and if you name it as a need, here’s what you say. You say, “I can’t be the wife I’m supposed to be because God hasn’t delivered to me this thing that I need,” and you’ve locked yourself into hopeless, marital paralysis and disappointment. Hear the Gospel of Jesus Christ, ladies, “You’ve got everything you need to be the wife that God has called you to be at the foot of the cross of the Lord Jesus Christ! Praise God! You’ve got it all!” Should you want a loving husband? Yes! Should you pray for that? Yes! But you must not name it as a need, because when you do, you say, “God hasn’t delivered that need, so I can’t be what God has called for me to be.” Now you’re judging God’s goodness. Now you’re doubting His love, and that’s deadly because you quit going for help to someone whom you’ve come to doubt. Husbands, you don’t actually need a wife who respects you. Is that a beautiful thing? Absolutely it is! Should you want to be a respect-worthy husband? Absolutely, you should! But you must not name it as a need
Transcript: Session 6
WHAT DID YOU EXPECT?
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