(Hint: one looks backward, the other forward.) Why is rebuke by itself not effectively helpful? In addressing your children’s foibles, do you often make the mistake of providing only rebuke? 5. Another tool is entreaty , which is a pleading, in this situation specifically about the danger of idolatry. How will entreaty, properly used, assist children in developing the habit of thinking about the harvest of their self-serving? (We discussed the concept of harvest in an earlier session.) Why is thinking ahead such a valuable practice for children (and adults)? Read aloud Proverbs 3:7-8 , a warning against self-confidence, and plan to use this passage in your entreaty. 6. Perhaps a parent’s most effective tool is example . One of the introspective exercises in the previous session was to consider whether there are idols that you serve openly in front of your children. What were some idols that you identified, and what practical steps did you take to stop serving them? Apart from addressing the negative by stopping a bad practice, what positive actions can parents take to demonstrate for children what they should do, to keep God rightly seated on the throne of our hearts? 7. Of the three relationships that give parents helpful insight in assessing a child’s heart change, the most important one is their relationship with God. “That is the question of questions, because if God is not in his rightful place, nothing else will be in its rightful place.” We cannot see directly into a child’s heart, but the fruit of outward behavior—as we have learned—provides a pretty good X-ray. What are some specific child behaviors that evince a young but healthy relationship with Christ? What behaviors indicate that a child is insistent on occupying their heart throne? 8. Regarding a child’s relationship with himself, “Does he hold himself to high standards? Or is he self-excusing, and does he think too highly of himself?” For children who insist on sitting on the throne and doing things their way, what are some common situations in which parents can safely let them fail, and reap the fruit of their own sowing, in order to learn the folly of being wise in their own eyes? 9. Finally, in your child’s relationship with others, your answers to the questions “Do they serve people? Do they play well with others?” are instructive. However, given the inevitably favorable bias that we have toward our own progeny, the objective assessments supplied by others can be more helpful. Do you get good “third-party” reports on your child’s behavior from teachers, babysitters, and their friends’ parents? Do they get good grades in school? What are other “disinterested” sources from which you can learn about your child’s heart growth? 10. “You can’t give away character that you don’t have.” As we discussed in a previous session, you have to start with your own heart to diagnose and treat the hearts of your children. Talk about what you learned when you asked others to point out your blind spots. Talk about the experience itself—although it was humbling, was it necessary and fruitful? How Did It Go Last Week? Share your successes and trials with the group. (10 minutes) How did your children respond to your disclosure about your own struggle with idolatry? Were they able to open up about their weaknesses? Now that for a while you have been putting into practice what you are learning from this series, are you seeing any encouraging heart fruit in your children? Do you detect a glimmer in their spiritual eyes evincing that they are beginning to see the light of Christ’s transforming grace?
Session 8
GETTING TO THE HEART OF PARENTING
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